Monday, January 23, 2012

“Defining Love”: The Column, Day 5

By Ms. Lee, Sponsored By The Ramblin’ Rule

Hello all and welcome to day 5 of my love quote breakdown natterings.  I’m just waiting for my assistant to bring me her idea for today’s quote. Ah…here is she.
Really? This is what you think I should write about today?
“Your heart is my piñata”?
Well…ok…is this from something?  Chuck Palahniuk? The fellow who wrote “Fight Club”?
Hmm…I hope my assistant is not setting me up for a lawsuit and that the rules about fight club and their nonverbal agreements surrounding said club don’t apply to “love quotes”  by Mr. Palahniuk that can be found on the internet.
I need a few moments to think on this rather aggressive love quote.  Or perhaps I’m judging too quickly. The quote could be fluffy and light. It could mean that he would like to fill her heart, metaphorically, I hope, with sweets, fill it to the point of ridiculousness.  He would like his love to have a heart so candied that she will feel nothing but joy and saturated, syrupy happiness.  This confection coated heart will serve her well.  She will feel no pain at all, only her heart strings being pulled like saltwater taffy after she catches him with another girl and he gently explains to her that he is the kind of man that needs to be with more than one woman.
“Oh, I understand.” She’ll giggle, her candy heart beating too fast and loud to grasp the fact that she’s just accepted that her man cheats on her.
“I knew you would understand, because you’re just so sweet.” He’ll croon, as he runs his fingers through her cotton candy hair.
This could be one way of looking at this love quote.  I know you may be thinking that I’ve take the metaphor too far and perhaps I have.  But I’m working on an arbitrary deadline here and I really have to put down whatever comes to mind.
However, I think we need to examine what the meaning of this quote really is; he had rotten birthday parties as a child.
I know, from personal experience, nothing can be quite as exhilarating as taking a stick to a cardboard cartoon character and sending its contents and tissue papered exterior all over the floor. I also know that to be the child who has to watch the treats spill before she’s taken a baton to the candy housing creature, can be deflating.  The intense moment of taking a swing and a miss or even just grazing the piñata as you run frantically in the wrong direction because you are blind folded is a moment not easily replicated in life.  How often, as a child, will an adult give you a stick and purposely let you hit something with it? Not often and so if you miss your opportunity for violence in the name of birthday party shenanigans, your heart breaks a little.
It is in my “professional opinion” Mr. Palahniuk use of a heart = piñata metaphor can only mean one thing. I believe that there is a good chance that when he was a child, at all the birthday parties that were held in his honour, or that he attended where there was a piñata in the party game lineup, before he got a chance to bust open the donkey, or hippo that held the goods, a girl standing in the line ahead of him broke it open first.
So since then, this man, or perhaps it’s a “friend” he’s talking about, sees women as colourful, beautifully tissue papered piñatas he can fill to the brim with sweet nothings and then before they can say “Yea! Candy!” he leaves them broken hearted.
“In your face Donkey Pinata!” he screams to the heavens as he races away from the latest girl who sheds gum drop tears at his rejection, the latest girl who represents all the girls who stood between him and birthday party fun.
To wrap up this bit of love quote break down nonsense, I feel I must, rework the quote in my own special way.
“Thanks to never getting my turn at the piñatas at birthday parties, always missing out on the first dive for the loot and later getting in trouble for trying to reassemble the piñata so that I could finally take a crack at it in a fit of blind, zany wildness…getting in trouble because the party was long over and the time for being allowed to hit things with sticks in the house was long past and this behavior was no longer acceptable… thanks to this, your sweet loveable heart is mine for the breaking.  But to cushion the blow, I actually will give you candy because I don’t want you telling all your friends that I’m a total slime.”
Join me and my co-stars Jason and Lisa as we take you through all the trials and tribulations of finding that someone special to share your life with, on February, 11 at 7pm at the Rodd Miramichi River.
Sweet Dreams to you all,
Ms. Lee

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