Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Nano 2012: Chapter Eleven, Bonus Feature

Hello again Blog Fans!

Three times in one day...I'll bet you're just sick of me!

So, I've uploaded  video to You Tube and it still doesn't believe it exists...well it believes that it exists enough for the link to work, but not enough for me to upload to video to this page. That will come eventually...let's try again just for fun...

 Hey it works! How exciting for you!

For those of you who are not Adam Lambert fans, this song is actually a parody of his song "Sure Fire Winners". To better understand my version, I suggest going to You Tube and looking up Adam's song. I think it will add a deeper level to your experience. Plus, I must let you know that when I purchased the album "For Your Entertainment" Adam's album that has "Sure Fire Winners" on it, Sean, when forced to listen to the song, almost from the first time hearing the song,starting singing "Sure fire Wieners" instead of the actual words. He thought he was being so clever...ha, ha, ha. But now the joke's on him because that funny antic was one the keys that opened the door to the wonder and the marvel that is Top Dog. Lucky you! You can thank or lay the blame for this story and the songs that go with it at Sean's feet.

And now, I'm going to go because frankly I've spent too much time on the computer today.

Until next time, next Wednesday if all goes well, 
I wish you happy reading and a I breathe a sigh of relief that Nano is over for another year!


Nano 2012: Top Dog, Chapter Eleven

Hello once again Blog Fans

I am back and that's all you're going to get for me for this intro because as promised, it's time for Chapter Eleven!

Enjoy, or be confused or shake your head at how ridiculous this whole story is...



Chapter Eleven

"Surefyre what? I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch who you are or who you represent. Also, you said a couple words in the closing sentence of Chapter Ten that I didn't understand. Were you saying actual words or just clearing your throat?"

"Oh ho! You're a smart one Hal Leisure, but don't play dumb with me! You know exactly who I am!"

"See...there's where you're wrong. I really don't know who you are. I suppose on some level I would like to. You seem like a man who has confidence in spades and would be a worthy adversary in any realm but, nope. Gosh, darn. I just can't place you."

"You are joking right? You are only pretending to not know who I am, because everyone knows who I am. You're just trying to play the big man in Blue Sky by pretending that you don't know who I am!"

"Gee, I really wish that I could say that this is all an act, but I'm sorry it's not. I'm not a leg pulling kind of guy. Sincere is my middle name. Really, except it's 'Ddiffuant' which is sincere in Welsh. And speaking of different languages, can we get back to the two words you threw into your entrance at the end of Chapter Ten? Or maybe you don't really know and you were just trying to wow the crowd with your linguistics as well as your acrobatics? I couldn't help but notice that in spite of the tightness of your fairly fine red suit, you are quite a limber man."

"Stop distracting with your rambling nature Hal! I was—the words were goodbye and hello in Dutch! Any fool would know that!"

"Well, then I guess I'm not a fool because I didn't know what you were trying to say."

"Really? I thought that the placement of the words in the sentence would sort of lend a hand to the meaning, even if you didn't know the words."

"Did you? How so?"

"Well, I said a commonly used business advertising phrase, but instead of saying goodbye and hello in boring old English, I spiced it up with a little Dutch! Because that is what I do! That is how I roll! I like things that are hot! Things that are spicy! Hal Leisure, even though you claim to not know, let me introduce myself: I am Sherman Fyre! Owner, operator and mad genius of Surefyre Wieners!"

"You're Sherman Fyre? Really? Isn't that funny. I only heard tell of you last week when my Meaty Members talked of your success in the wiener business while we were discussing my recent and accidental trip to a Dentist trade show. Really, it was only last week and here you are! I've got to ask, Mr. Fyre, why are you here in Blue Sky?"

"Hal Leisure, you are man who could make a deaf man weep with your words! How dare you say that you only heard of me last week! For fifteen years you and I have been arch foes, heavy competitors in the wiener business! How could you not know that ever since you opened Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners here in Blue Sky that our wieners have been fighting for the number one wieners in this superb country! In some towns, Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners are number one while in other towns, Surefyre Wieners reign supreme! But in Blue Sky, in this lovely town, I have never been able to reach number one. You and your Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and your free packs of floss, your company has cornered the wiener market in this sleepy town. But no more! Blue Sky, I'm here to remind you that when it comes to wieners you have a choice! You can either have Meaty Teeth or Fyre Breath! Hal Leisure, if what you say is true, if you really didn't know who I was or that our wiener companies are competitors, then this, good sir, is your 'in your face, hit you over the head, kick you square in the lower bits hidden in that sky blue leisure suit wakeup call'! People of Blue Sky, Surefyre Wieners is setting up shop in Blue Sky! That's right Hal Leisure! Now the people of this town will have two choices when it comes to how they want to fill their buns! They can support Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners that are so full of ah...meat that they have to waste away precious minutes of their lives after every Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener meal to get rid of the ah...meat stuck between their teeth or they can buy Surefyre Wieners that don't leave excess and wasteful ah...meat in their teeth but instead fill their mouths with spicy goodness and leave them with the breath of a fiery dragon! People of Blue Sky, what do you say?

"That was a fine speech Mr. Fyre. Well played and quite eloquent even though you didn't try to wow us with more Dutch, but I think I speak for everyone in Blue Sky when I say that the town of Blue Sky is very loyal to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and most people in Blue Sky who buy wieners buy Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners because the ah...meat in the wieners is of a very high quality and they like flossing! Our healthy smile rating is just proof of that! No, Mr. Fyre, Blue Sky is not going to simply roll over and buy your wieners just because you show up on a fancy and large and excessively loud float and prance around all limber like in your fine red suit and speak foreign in a foreign language to try to impress the crowd float, not when you show up in the middle of our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade and picnic and/or barbeque! No they won't stand for it! Blue Sky doesn't appreciate competition or interruptions!

"I'm sorry Hal Leisure, but I couldn't hear you over the sound of the crowd cheering for Surefyre Wieners! Could you repeat that?"

" Not all of it. I said a lot and I'll drive people away if I try to repeat all of it. Basically, to boil down my point, what I said was that the people of Blue Sky are loyal to Meaty Teeth Leisure Wieners!"

"That's sort of what you said Hal, but what I think you said was something about simply rolling over because I show up on a fancy float in the middle of your Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener picnic and or/ barbecue. And you know what Hal, this crowd may be cheering for me now, but in the long run, you may be right. I may have underestimated this Blue Sky Crowd. Surefyre wieners have been available in Blue Sky grocery stores for longer than Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, but they never have sold as well in Blue Sky because of the loyalty Blue Sky shows to your company.

However, Blue Sky, I'm here to let you all know that tomorrow I'm opening the doors of the brand-new Surefyre Wiener office right here in Blue Sky. I'm shortening the competition distance between our wiener companies Hal Leisure! I'm bringing my competition right to your door step. Surefyre Wieners won't just be another wiener product in Blue Sky grocery stores. No, no! They will now be another fine and local Blue Sky product that the people of Blue Sky will want to support because the people of Blue Sky are very loyal to their local businesses! "

"Again I think you are wrong Mr. Fyre. I think you're in for a bucket of disappointment."

"Well I don't think I am! Why don't we ask this fine Blue Sky crowd if they are ready to support a brand-new wiener company in Blue Sky? Blue sky folks are you ready to support a different kind of wieners? Are you ready for Surefyre Wieners?"

"Well, well, well... By the sound of the screaming coming from this Blue Sky crowd, I'm thinking they are ready to start branching out when it comes to buying wieners for their families. Oh what's that Hal Leisure? Have you got nothing to say? That's fine because I got one more question for this group of fine half-drunk Blue Sky residents; Blue Sky residents are you ready to rock? Take it away boys!"

We love surefire wieners

(wieners, wieners, wieners)

Sherman Fyre here on the scene

To give you a show like you've never seen

To bring pandemonium on to every store

That wants to see wieners with a little more

You'll want to buy what I have to sell

Yes, that's right I now you will

Cause every mouth here wants to feel

The taste of fire bought at such a good deal!

We love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, spicy wieners

We love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, red hot wieners

Feeling the heat all through your mouth

Giving you something to shout about

We love, we love, we love Surefyre Wieners

(Surefyre Wieners, Surefyre Wieners, Surefyre Wieners)

Strike a match start a barbeque fire

Spicy wieners is what you desire

Surefyre Dogs cookin over a flame

Ya, no other wieners taste quite the same

I was born with ketchup on my face

As a boy, I knew my place

Was creating dogs worthy of praise

And not a lazy dog to eat in the shade

We love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, spicy wieners

We love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, red hot wieners

Feeling the heat all through your mouth

Giving you something to shout about

We love, we love, we love Surefyre Wieners

(Surefyre Wieners, Surefyre Wieners, Surefyre Wieners)

Ya Blue Sky! Are you listening? These aren't wieners that you eat whenever you feel like it. These aren't wieners you eat at your leisure! No, these are wieners that mean business! They will rule you! They tell you when it's time to eat and the time is now! Don't settle for bland, tasteless, always getting stuck in your teeth wieners that make you a slave to dental hygiene! No, Blue Sky make the decision to say yes to wieners that will wake you, shake all the leisure out of your system and fill your body with the heat spicy goodness! Much like those other wieners, Surefyre Wieners will stick around for a while after, but not in your teeth! No, Surefyre Wieners stick your soul! Surefyre Wieners become a part of you. Surefyre Wieners give you energy to go out and do something crazy! What do those other, lazy wieners do? They don't fill the gaps between your teeth with their excess ah...meat and make you have spend time, no...let me correct myself... WASTE time in front a mirror. You could me smiling at the world instead of smiling at yourself! Let's face it, let's call a spaten a spaten! Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, sure they leave you with a healthy smile, but that smile, it is one that belongs to a lonely face. It is connected to a lonely heart. Serve up Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners at your next party, go to the bathroom to floss, then what happens? Everyone has left you to go floss...alone! Nobody flosses with you am I right? Flossing is a solitary activity! Or it should be. Nobody is impressed by what you pull out of your teeth with your free floss! Nobody needs to see what Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners leaves behind! What comes out of your teeth should be between you and your dentist. Leave the flossing to the professionals and find the power, the fuel for passion and the breath of life that comes with every pack of Surefyre Wieners!

Now, if for some reason my posture, my strut and the surefooted moves I'm serving up to you along with my red hot words have not convinced to trade in leisure for power, perhaps these two fine gentlemen can do the job. Please welcome to the stage, Adam Lambert and Snoop Dog!

OOOOOO cook your dogs on a wild fire with me!

Gonna take you on flavor ride like you'll never believe

Never gonna stop till we reach the top (dog)

Never gonna stop till we reach the top (dog)

Hal better get out of the game

His sales aren't never gonna be the same

Blue Sky's bringing Surefyre Wieners Home!

You'll love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya spicy wieners

You'll love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, red hot wieners

Bringing the heat to your leisure town

Sherman's givin you something to shout about

You'll love, you'll love, you'll love Surefyre Wieners!

Sing it with us Blue Sky!

We love Surefyre Wieners

Ya no more leisure wieners

We love Surefyre Wieners

Ya we'll buy Sherman's wieners

Lighting a fire in our mouths

Sherman's givin you something to howl about

We love, we love, we love Surefyre Wieners!

Gonna take you on a flavor ride like you'll never believe

Gonna take you on a flavor ride like you'll never believe

Thank- you Blue Sky for your time! I've been Sherman Fyre and you've been a beautiful audience! Next time you're out shopping for wieners think about wieners they can change your life. No don't think about that. Buy them! Bypass the other wieners by surefire wieners! I bid you all a good night!"

Nano 2012: Top Dog, Chapter Ten

Hello, hello Blog Fans

It's an exciting day in the world of writing and blogging and what not. Well, it is for me anyway. Today, I reached 50K in my Nano 2012 novel! Yea! However, this does not mean that Top Dog is! no! We've a long way to go before that happens. I'd say I have at least 10K to go before the epic conclusion followed by whole whack of editing.

And so, in order to ensure that I fully complete this Nano project, I am going to have "Wiener Wednesdays!" on this blog. Every Wednesday until Top Dog completed to my satisfaction, I will post an edited chapter. This could go on for many weeks. I can feel your excitement. It's intoxicating.

Today, as a special treat, I'm posting Chapter Ten and Chapter Eleven. I'll post them separately as to not overwhelm you.

And if I get my butt in gear, later this evening, there could be a bonus feature for Chapter Eleven. Oh yes, the second promised video as part of the soundtrack of my Nano 2012 Story.

So, before I drift off into a tangent...which, if you know me, is entirely possible, I'll post Chapter Ten, quickly followed by Chapter Eleven!

Happy Reading!



Chapter Ten

Ok...Ok...we've enjoyed our drinks and against my better judgment, I've led you back to the book. Look, here we are at Chapter Ten. Isn't that nice? There's nothing to be scared of. I'm pretty sure that this chapter, featuring a whole lot of Hal Leisure waxing about the wonder that is his wieners, is worth reading. I'll just be out of sight, hovering in the margins, ready to come back into the story when you need me.

No, no... Don't follow me. See, come on , look over there; Hal is still on stage. He waited for you to come back to the story. Now wasn't that good of him? To wait until you'd returned to start his speech? Obviously he didn't want you to miss one bit of it. Now, you enjoy this. I'll be back soon...or in a while. How long I'm gone will really depend on how long it takes Hal to get us to the next major plot point.

"Hello everyone and welcome, welcome to the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade. Yes, please, clap and cheer all you want for it is grand day and a big event in Blue Sky. Or not...ok, you're all busy with both hands...However, since technically the parade is all done I suppose I should say picnic and/ or barbeque with a side of hot music! I imagine that not one of you here can say that we have not had an excellent representation by all bands on how the love of wieners can affect your soul!

But, back to the floats! As always, we watched the floats travel down Main Street and as part of the grand tradition of the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade we destroyed the floats as soon as they arrived here at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. But as you can see, my Meaty Members have cleared those skeletal eye sores so that we can have space to eat, drink, be merry and listen to the songs being offered up by a few very talented local bands. And the best part about taking from the floats, the wares offered by the people who run businesses in Blue Sky, is that unlike when one of you rascals out there shop lifts, nobody is angry. They wanted us to destroy their floats! That's all part of the frivolity at the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener parade; to watch the floats, destroy the floats and then enjoy the picnic and /or barbeque food or beverage items that we pillaged from the floats at the picnic and /or barbeque. It's a marvelous tradition that I came up with and all a part this fantastic day.

However, before we all wreaked havoc on those floats, they sure looked lovely didn't they? Please, if you would, give all the business owners who put a float in this year's Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade a hand! Come on Blue Sky folk, you can clap louder than that can't you? Okay, maybe not. I see that most of you have at least one hand holding something that you ripped off one of the floats and so it's a bit hard to clap loudly when you're say, holding one of Andre's buns that you will use as a vessel sooner or later for a delicious Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener. And I see a lot of you are enjoying our new Family Time French Fries as well as a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener and that's fantastic. It really warms my heart that you've taken to these French fries, our newest product from Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners.

Now, as many of you can see I am holding a guitar and yes, I am going to perform my very own tribute to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners for you very soon. Not that I expect my song to go over as well as all those other wonderful songs that we have heard here today. Were they not brilliant? Did you ever think that you would hear so many great songs about wieners in one sitting? Do I hear any applause? No? Okay, again I see that your hands are still full with many of the delicious products from the floats that represent many of the businesses in our wonderful town of Blue Sky. However, when you're ready if you could just start clapping, it would be much appreciated. The bands and their songs deserve the applause as do the business owners and their floats. Remember, you destroyed them —the floats, not the businesses ( I assume) and a little action with two hands is the least you can do to say thank-you to them for the hard work they put in to making these floats and for the fine services they provide your town of Blue Sky all year.

Ok, I hear some applause, finally! Driving home a point with a little repetition gets everyone on board for the guilt trip! Thanks, Blue Sky; the bands and the businesses have heard your applause and I can feel not just appreciation, but the love.

Anyway, to get back to my point, as I was saying I to have my own song to contribute to this wonderful celebratory and very musical afternoon but first, I wanted to let everyone in on some really beautiful and attention worthy news. I would like to let you know that thanks to you, the people of Blue Sky, and thanks to all of the people across our superb country who have taken the time to buy and enjoy our brand new product Family Time French Fries—Oh wow...I promised myself that I was going to try to keep it together, but...I don't think it's going to be possible. I'm sorry, you're going to have to excuse me; this announcement is making me rather emotional because I'm just so proud! See? See these tears shining in my honest eyes, but not turning my ever present smile into a frown? These are tears of joy! Pure, radiant, glorious and super bright joy! People of Blue Sky, even though Family Time French Fries have only been available for retail purchase in grocery stores in Blue Sky and grocery stores across our superb country for just under three weeks, Family Time French Fries are the number one selling French fry in Blue Sky and all across this superb country! Number One! Isn't that wonderful news? Doesn't your heart just want to leap out of your chest and do a Blue Sky pride dance? Come on now people please get on board with the happy. I'm not going to stand here and listen to you not clap. Just tuck your beer between your knees you shove that hotdog in your mouth and bring both your hands to chest level and clap those beautiful hands. No, no! Don't you try to clap with one hand or use your free hand to beat your husband on the back in order to try to make a noise that sort of sounds like clapping! Number one French Fries in all of this superb country Blue Sky! This is big news, great news and I want to hear those two bare hands clapping. Finally! I mean, excellent! Lovely to see most of you, well half of you… Okay let's rounded up to a quarter of you have listened to my begging cries for approval and clapped your hands for a little while. Yes, a few more of you have joined in and I can hear you. I can hear your applause for being Number One and it's beautiful! It's beautiful music to my ears.

And now, don't put your clapping hands away. I have one more announcement to make before we get back to the music. I would just like to let you all know that thanks to the popularity of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners in Blue Sky, most of you have great teeth. It is wonderful that so many of you who buy Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners with their free pack of floss actually use the floss provided. So, I am happy to say that not only are Family Time French Fries the number one selling French fry in Blue Sky and across our superb country but, I have also been told by the great people who make up my Meaty Members that we have one of the highest ratings of healthy smiles in our superb country! That's right people! Because you floss regularly, thanks to all the ah...meat in Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, our dentists live a life of leisure! They have more time to play golf whatever ever else dentists do in their spare time, because they spend less time cleaning our teeth. I think that is a win, win situation and it is definitely news worthy and so if you could clap again like I asked you to —okay I see that you are not willing clap again at this time. For whatever reason, you're not really going to make the effort to clap and that's okay. I can only assume your hands tired from clapping at along with all those wiener songs or clapping after the wiener songs. Basically, it would appear that, Blue Sky, you are all clapped out right now, but I really hope to see you all get a case of clap again after I finish my song.

Yes well, that is enough of my rambling, well my speech rambling anyway, and now I'd like to share with you song I wrote about Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and Family Time French Fries."

Meaty Members are you ready? Stu, do you have your dulcimer in tune? Super! Let's entertain!

Have you ever had a dream

That only you believed would come true?

Have you ever had an idea so crazy

That more than once

You've had people in white coats

Chase you down and try to drag you away

While they threatened to put you in a padded room

With guards posted outside your door twenty-four hours a day

Simply because you dared to dream so crazy?

I'm going to interrupt my song, Blue Sky, but don't worry; this is a musical interruption. My Meaty Members will continue to play their instruments in a gentle, soft, whimsical manner while I talk. Before I continue on with my song, I wanted to say that I wish that the first verse of my song was not truth. I wish that I had been singing metaphorically, but I can't and I didn't because the first verse is a true representation of what happened to me!

Not long after I moved to Blue Sky, I went to a town meeting and sprung on the unsuspecting crowd my idea of starting a wiener company in Blue Sky. People at the meeting were so shocked by my Avant guard idea that they scoffed at me; most loudly if I recall. I was actually quite taken aback, but I didn't let that scoff thwart me. No, I took a deep breath and continued anyway! When I let lose my plan to make wieners so meaty the people of Blue Sky would need to floss after every Meaty Wiener meal, the people at that meeting got really was a silence that was almost worse than the scoff noise because it was not the sound of quiet awe, but of loud and yet quiet suspicion. It was actually quite tense for a few seconds, but again...I just let it slide and continued to lay my plan at their feet! I jumped up onto my chair and said that because I loved Blue Sky and it's people so much and because I cared an incredible amount about dental care that, that I intended to give away a free pack of floss with every back of my Meaty Wieners! This proclamation almost raised the roof in a calamitation kind of way! I started to fear for my life! Yes, people were still quiet, but the silence was almost deadly. It was only when I revealed that this floss plan was to be exclusive only to the people of Blue Sky that the people at that town meeting began to get on board my wiener train and make a little noise. Yes, they liked the idea that the floss would exclusive. They would be special. It would be because Blue Sky would be in the same town as, and this is when I hit them with the name of my proposed company, Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners!

At first, the crowd was confused. They treated me with incredulity usually reserved for vicious dictators. However, they really couldn't stop my from opening the wiener factory because I'd already bought it and hired my staff and most people in Blue Sky just accepted my company and my plan. But, there were people who were not happy with my plan. People came at me from alleyways, from the sewers, from behind trees in my yard, people all wearing white coats and masks and yelling that my crazy idea of the wiener and floss combination would never work in Blue Sky because nobody anywhere cares about flossing. 'Nobody cares about flossing!' is what these white coated strangers hollered at me from alleyways, from sewers and from behind trees in my yard. 'Just sell regular wieners and leave the flossing to the professionals!' was their cry. But did this stop this man? No!

This man knew his mission true

It was as clear as a bright blue sky

And although the town didn't want or understand the floss at first

They all changed their minds as soon as they did try

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

They're chock right full of ah… Meaty goodness

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

The floss we provide makes you say ahh.... Thank goodness

There's so much ah... Meet

To get stuck in your teeth

The floss with our wieners

Why it spells relief yeah

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

The ah... Meatiest wieners around

That's right folks, Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners are the meatiest wieners around and you ate them up with gusto. You embraced the floss and many of you have woven Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners into the very fabric of your lives. I know there are families out there who don't celebrate a special occasion whether it is a birthday, a graduation, a parole hearing party, without Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. I know there are some families here in Blue Sky and I'm assuming elsewhere in this superb country that have a night of the week featuring Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners! And that just makes me sing...soon. I'll get back to my song soon. I've got one more things to say before I start crooning again so just continue to listen to my speech backed by my Meaty Members.

Now, I couldn't be happier about the success of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and again, I am very pleased that many of you have woven Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners into the very fabric of your lives. However, I have to say that some of you have done so a little too literally, if I'm to be honest. A few years back, I saw one man wearing a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners leisure suit. He approached me in a manner that implied gusto and with a winning smile spread across his face he told me that he was trying to be like me. He said I stood for all that was creative and stylish and that I had all the charisma and seductive charm that every man should want. His sincerity was intense.

And his suit, while it was impressive, was slightly grotesque and odd. It wasn't just the fact that this man had made a leisure suit out of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, it was the fact that he had even gone as far as to paint the wieners that made up his suit a beautiful sky blue; the same sky blue in fact as my leisure suit that is not, just to be clear, made of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. No, it's made up of 100% of those durable and dangerously flammable girls, Polly and Ester! However, not as flammable as that man's Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener leisure suit turned out to be. As we stood there in the park, in the hot noon day summer sun, the man's leisure suit started to cook. One minute he was just a guy standing there in a slightly smoking, sky blue Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener leisure suit and the next minute he was a light and on fire much like Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener at a picnic and/ or barbeque! It was a frightening sight! I encouraged him to throw himself on the grass and to roll around to douse out the flames. Thank goodness he listened and threw himself to the ground with very little encouragement. If he had hesitated, I wouldn't have been unable to do little else for while Poly and Ester look good on me, they don't look good melting on me. A little too close to those flames and I would have turned into 'Hal Leisure: a man who is covered in a sky blue leisure suit' instead of 'Hal Leisure: proud owner and wearer of many sky blue leisure suits.

So, as I was saying, this man, threw his cooking form onto the grass with all due haste, extinguishing the flames in a successful manner. However, the smell of his cooked Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener leisure suit caught the attention of a crowd of hungry picnickers and a pack of wild dogs. The man, scorched and probably in a bit of pain, was forced to run away from the hungry picnickers and the pack wild dogs. They, the humans and canines, chased this poor burned man around the park in a way that was, I'm almost ashamed to say, comical. Once they caught up with him, they knocked him to the ground and pulled, or tore or chewed the roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners leisure suit from his body. The man quickly went from an odd chap in a sky blue Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners leisure suit to a strange Blue Sky resident clad only in his birthday suit. It was a memorable day and may I say, what a day to be alive.

Before I arrived in Blue Sky

I was a stranger to you all

Now, none of you knew me, Hal Leisure

It seems out of clear blue sky I did fall

Now some of you think my past is shady

You wanted to find out my past, you did try!

Yes...I've heard the rumors people! Don't you think I haven't! However, if my past was really super shady, do you really think I could have married your local beauty queen? Well, of course, I have a sneaking suspicion that she may have married me because I am disgustingly rich, but that's just me being negative. Let me see a show of hands from those of you who can't believe that I'm still married to my absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife? Wow...all of you? That's interesting and a little unnerving...

Yes, some of you think I'm hiding a deep, dark past

And you want to know where I'm from and why?

Why did I come to Blue Sky?

To tell you the truth Blue Sky, I don't know why I've kept the truth from you for so long. It's not a horrible, tragic secret that drove me from my home town to your loving Blue Sky arms. It's just, well... Oh heck! Now seems like as good as time as any! I'm going to go for it and tell all you good people of Blue Sky the truth about my past. Here I go! Before I moved to your beautiful town of Blue Sky, I, Hal Leisure lived in another town in the superb country and that town was—

We love surefire wieners!

We love surefire wieners!

We love surefire wieners!

What is that noise? Who is interrupting my heartfelt song...ok; not the song, but one of my talking bits that I feel help accentuate the song? And it's not just interrupting my performance, it's right while I am about to reveal to you, the Wonderful people in Blue Sky, exactly who Hal Leisure is and where I came from

We love surefire wieners!

We love surefire wieners!

We love surefire wieners!

Good people, what is that I see and hear coming down Main Street? Is that another float? Perhaps a late to our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade? Well, whatever it is, it sounds very musical to me. Meaty Members, were we supposed to have a float from Blue Sky's local music store "Take a Note?" I don't think we were? I am pretty sure that at last week's meeting about the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener Parade we agreed that if the local Blue Sky business didn't have a product that the people of Blue Sky could pilfer from the float and then throw on a barbecue or just eat as is then unfortunately the businesses would not allowed to be part of the Annual Meaty Teeth Leisure Wieners Parade.

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

My stars they are loud and not stopping! Yes, Meaty Members I know our decision was a tough call and maybe the music store "Take a Note" didn't fully understand the rules, but I had to draw the line somewhere. Yes, I know you can enjoy music at a picnic and /or barbeque, but people are just so darn excited and brimming with anticipation for float carnage that by the time all the floats arrive here at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners the usually tame people of Blue Sky are ready to tear almost anything apart and throw whatever item they have clenched in their hands on a barbecue! If we allowed a float from a music store into the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade I would honestly worry that the people of Blue Sky would tear off instruments or sheet music or the staff or whatever they music store had decided to decorate their float with and throw those items or people on a barbeque. Sheet music, you have to agree, is extremely flammable and we would quickly have a sheet music bonfire on our hands. No, having floats in our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade that do not offer products we can eat or drink would be adding too great an element of risk to the festivities. It would be inviting chaos to our family friendly, well family friendly-ish picnic and/or barbeque. Let's be honest, eventually most of the good folk in Blue Sky get sauced beyond all reason at this event and some years their behavior has gotten within a few degrees of debaucherous and—

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

They're still coming this way! Oh, here they are; they've just passed through the gates of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. What are they saying exactly? Excuse me! Excuse me musical float! While I, Hal Leisure and all of us here appreciate that you are all very musical and on some level entertaining, your float is not one that is a food or beverage themed float and you are breaking all the rules of this Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade. I'm sorry, but you just can't be here. Now, now...calm down everyone. It is not that Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners does not appreciate businesses in Blue Sky that don't sell things that you don't normally enjoy at a picnic. I am not contradicting myself. I already explained why having a float form a music store would be bad news for our picnic and /or barbeque. Yes, I know this picnic and /or barbecue is not just about food and drink, or just drink for some of you, but you also feel that it is about music because we have bands to entertain you, but that's different. The bands didn't arrive on a float. Look, good people of Blue Sky, who are paying more attention to the newly arrived float than you are to me, if we allowed the music store 'Take a Note" to have a float in the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade, we may as well allow the Blue Sky furniture store or the paint store or even the pet store to have a float in the parade but that wouldn't be right. There would end up being too many floats in the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade and as far as I'm concerned too many floats equals and too much confusion. I think it would be especially confusing, not to mention grizzly if the pet store participated in our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade because they would probably cover the float with lizards and other sorts of creatures that some of you people care for, but make my skin crawl, and then all the dogs on the float would jump off and eat all the food from the other floats and it would just be madness! So, in order to keep the precedence, I'm sorry but I think you and your musical float are going to have to leave—

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

Please everyone, just stay calm... Please, could I have your attention turned back on me please? Back to me? Back to me? I still haven't finished my song. Doesn't anybody care about my song? I've been working on it for quite some time and I was about to let you in my secret past and—yes I know it's a loud float, a very loud and musical float, but that doesn't mean that you all need to stop paying attention to my song and pay attention to this—ok, ok—apparently it does mean that. Well...I guess I'll finish singing it after they leave! But folks! Blue Sky folks! This, float...I don't recognize anyone on it! Do any of you recognize anyone one on it? I don't think it actually represents a Blue Sky business! No, it certainly does not! It's too loud and garish to be a Blue Sky float— Ok, it's fully arrived and is flaunting about! It is – well, that is just perfect, I don't really mean perfect. I'm slipping into sarcasm which is definitely a prelude to my smile slipping into a frown! Isn't that a horrible thought? Don't any of you – oh that is just lovely. This new and hideously large and excessively loud float is parking right in the middle of the picnic and or/barbeque area! Well that is just rude! Excuse me, new and hideously large and excessively loud float, where are the people of Blue Sky supposed to sit to enjoy their picnic and /or barbeque products and properly listen and pay attention to the music on this stage! Blue Sky, why have you all stopped paying attention to me! What is happening? What is this madness! I need answers! I hate to tell you this people but my smile is definitely slipping off my face. Surely none of you want to see Hal Leisure, good man, good citizen, provider to your town other towns in this superb county of the quality products Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener and Family Time French Fries, surely you don't want to see this face slide into a frown?

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

For the love of all that is holy, what are you saying? What is that racket you are bellowing forth at volume of at least 11? We love Surefyre what? Ok, I'm putting my foot down Blue Sky. I've had enough of this rude, insolent and uncouth interruption of our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners parade and picnic and /or barbeque! I'm going to put a stop to this pronto!

Excuse me, sir! Yes, you on the large and excessively loud float that has parked at my company Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners without a permit! Could you please stop your screeching? You seem to be whipping this crowd into some kind of frenzy bordering on turmoil! By turning their backs on me and effectively ignoring me, they have also turned their backs on the talented local bands that we have brought here today to be part of our festivities. You and your gigantic and ridiculous float have brought disorder to our picnic and/or barbeque and the people of Blue Sky have turned their backs on us in shockingly seem to be favoring you and your hollering! I said listen to me screaming stranger in the fairly fine red suit but without an abundantly lush mustache...oh's the investor! I can't believe it! It's you! You're here! The mysterious and then suddenly disappearing investor!"

"Wrong Hal Leisure! Well, you are not entirely wrong! You are wrong in that I'm not the investor, but was merely posing as one to gather information, but you are right in that I am mysterious and with my many qualities, both known and unknown to you, I am going to make all your business disappear! It is I, Sherman Fyre and I'm here to rock the bedrock of Blue Sky! I'm here to shake the clouds from the blue sky of Blue Sky! I'm here to change the way that you, the people of Blue Sky, think about wieners! Move over Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners! There's a new wiener company in town and we don't play well with others!

Blue Sky, say afscheid to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and begroeting to Surefyre Wieners!"

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Nano 2012, Chapter Nine, Bonus Feature!

Hello Blog Fans

I'd written a post...tried to save a post...tried to go find my video and upload my video and to my post and then my post disappeared...

So, to sum up the post that disappeared, here's a video to go with the song I wrote in Chapter Nine...

Wieners Improve A Sunrise

Anyway...this is just one of two songs that I've recorded to go with the thrilling tale that is Top Dog; Wiener Takes All. However, I can't post that video until I've posted Chapter Eleven so you're just going to have to get a grip, keeps your pants on and wait.

I hope you enjoy part of the soundtrack to my Nano 2012 novel.

Good night Blog fans,


Friday, November 23, 2012

Nano 2012: Top Dog, Chapter Nine

Howdy Hey Blog Fan

It's Friday here in my world. Quite possibly it is in yours as well but, I don't want to be presumptuous. It could be Saturday if you're across the miles or you could be reading this on different day than the day I wrote it. So, whatever day it is where you are, I hope it's being nice to you.

Friday is being pretty good to me except for the fact that I have Nano Hands, (meaning my hands are tired from typing and yet here I am typing anyway) and that I'm feeling...well...I'm a little melancholy to be honest. Or, as the blue dude from Mega Mind says, MeL-on Colly.  Cracks me up every time. But anyway, I worked a bit this morning, which was fine. I bought a bakery treat from a local bakery that makes these delicious gingerbread squares, but only about this time of year, and then I came home to an empty house. Sorcha's at a friend's place all day and overnight and my hubby is at work. So I had the afternoon to myself and I had a lot of things I could have done such as...

- Laundry
- Clean the bathroom
- Make cookies
- Consider something for dinner
- Catch up on my emails
- Put plastic up on the windows
- work on my Nano story
- or watch The Help

I did the last thing on the list; I watched The Help. I closed the curtains in the our bright living room, sat down with something lunchish and then didn't move for 2 and a half hours. I can't remember the last time that I watched a movie at home and didn't get up in the middle of watching it. It was like I was in the theatre. I didn't leave. I didn't want to break the spell. The movie, that was based on the book of the same name that I finished reading a couple weeks ago, was beautiful and poignant and sad and funny, very much like the book. Changes were made obviously, but the movie still did to me the same thing that the book did to me: it made me laugh and cry and think. It made me want to do something important, to do something with made me feel that my Nano Story is probably up there with the most ridiculously pointless things ever written.

However, then, as now, I've stashed those feelings aside and I'm going to keep writing my extremely nonsensical tale of two competing wiener companies because, well why not? Not everything written is going to be a great tale and I'm having a lot of fun. Plus, my family is being entertained and my daughter has picked up one of her old stories and started to write it again. I'd like to think I'm setting a good example. She gives me so much encouragement that it's nice to see that it's flowing both ways.

The Help is about social rights and standing up for something you believe in. It's also about finding your place and discovering that just because you may not find your true calling until a little later in your life, it doesn't mean you shouldn't answer the call. Top Dog isn't about social rights, but it's filled with things I believe in like the fact that finding laughter in the every day can help even the darkest of times seem a little brighter. Top Dog is being written by someone who discovered later than she expected that she is  writer. Like Aibileen, Minnie and Skeeter, I've got stories and I'd like to share them to those who would like to read them.

So, let's get on with it shall we?  I give you Chapter Nine of Top Dog.

Happy Friday,

Chapter Nine

If I have to sit through one more damn wiener song, I am going to throw myself on that barbecue – well hello there readers. I didn't hear you sneaking into Chapter nine. Honestly, I'm a little surprised you came back. Not that I'm not happy to see you and to continue with narration of this meaty tale, no not at all. I guess I just didn't expect to see you so soon. I thought perhaps after the intensity that was Chapter Eight that you may need to take a breather, but since you're here I suppose I better get on with the story. I mean, happily return you to this adventure.

Now, first off, like I've done before, I'll set up the scene for you. The day started out more glorious than anybody could have wished for. Blue Sky was just that; it was a place covered with a perfect blue sky. The Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade wasn't due to start until eleven o'clock, but people started setting up lawn chairs on either side of Main Street at about the crack of dawn. Everybody wants a front row seat for the Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade. The parade starts at the one end of Main Street and travels all the way down it to the very end where the company Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners lies. Once the parade is finished there is a huge picnic and /or barbeque on the grounds of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and that is where the real party begins.

The parade itself is, and if you don't mind, I feel the use of a food analogy here is appropriate, the appetizer for the day. All of the floats that parade down Main Street are similar in nature. Because the parade ends with a giant picnic and /or barbecue and because Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners are considered picnic and /or barbecue fare, all of these floats have a picnic and /or barbecue theme. For example, Andre, of Andre's bakery, that fine establishment, enters a float every year into the annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners parade and his float is always absolutely covered with buns. These buns are stuck to the side of his float with this sort of buttery paste, completely edible buttery paste, and once his float arrives at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, folks of Blue Sky are encouraged to run up to the float and grab Andre's buns.

Another popular float amongst the residents of Blue Sky is the float from Chip's Chips, Blue Sky's local chip factory. This delicious float will be covered all kinds of flavors of Chip's Chips, but fortunately for the folks of Blue Sky the Chip's chips are attached to the float while contained in Chip's Chips chip bags. I mean it would be absolutely insane if the people Blue Sky were expected to run up to the Chip's Chips chip factory float once it arrived at the picnic and /or barbeque at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and tear off Chip's Chips off the float one Chip's Chip at a time. That would be madness and a waste of valuable time. Not to mention unsanitary. The floats kick up a lot of dust on Main Street. All the Chip's Chips would be downright dirty by the time they reached the picnic and /or barbeque at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners.

You that we're talking about it, this really makes me wonder why Andre doesn't do the same thing because I have to be honest with you. Once Andre's float reaches the picnic and /or barbeque, Andre has very dusty buns. Why hasn't anyone said anything to him? You know, sometimes the people of Blue Sky are a little too nice. It would be better for Andre if he just attached the buns to his float in bags instead gluing each bun individually with a buttery and edible paste. However, maybe making this float is the highlight of Andre's year. I shouldn't be so critical and a little dust isn't going to hurt you, hopefully. And to be fair, I did notice Andre tossing out a few bags of buns and these bags of buns; I noticed, had very fine stickers on them; stickers that gave very specific instructions on how to keep buns from Andre's bakery, that fine establishment, from going stale. I guess Hal really does have a lot of pull in Blue Sky. Not many people would've taken the advice about putting stickers on bags of buns about how to properly get the air out of the bags to keep the buns from going stale, as completely serious advice and immediately put it into use.

Not that many people who run businesses in Blue Sky tell Hal that they aren't interested in his ideas about how they should run their businesses. Not many people in Blue Sky say no to Hal in general. No, they like Hal Leisure too much to say no to his face (as I already made clear in an earlier chapter...chapter five I think it was, where I narrated on and on about how nobody will tell Hal that his wiener treats are terrible) and so most people when they received advice from Hal about how they should run their business or advice about how they should dress or decorate their homes or raise their children, they just smile and nod and say thank you very much for the advice and that they will take it into consideration. Most people do not do what Andre the Baker did. Andre actually took Hal's advice about the sticker, the sticker that would tell his customers how to keep their buns from going stale, and actually put Hal's advice into active use. So my reasoning behind this bizarre… well maybe not bizarre… that may be too strong a word to use here… Instead, perhaps I should say my reasoning being this unexpected turn of events is that either Andre really believes that the people of Blue Sky require stickers about how to keep their buns from going stale or he doesn't want Hal coming back into his bakery, his fine establishment, and questioning him about a rumored affair that he, Andre, may or may not be having with Hal's absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife. Yes, the latter; that is probably the most likely reason that he put those ridiculous stickers on his button bags.

Well, I seem to have drifted off topic again. I'm sorry about that. I'll make this part brief as I can because I know you really want me to get on with setting up chapter nine and get to any parts of chapter nine that may exciting. Okay, so briefly, all the floats in the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener Parade are picnic and /or barbecue related in that all of the floats have some sort of picnic and /or barbeque fare attached to them in some way. Basically, all the businesses in town that sell items that you eat, drink, eat with, or wipe your face one at a picnic and /or barbeque are part of the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners parade and once all of the picnic and or barbeque themed floats arrive at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, the folks of Blue Sky are heartily encouraged to go up to each float and take all the products that they desire and enjoy these picnic and /or barbeque products at the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners picnic and /or barbeque. It's a very exciting part of the event to watch. The normally polite people of Blue Sky turn into a pack of rabid, starving, half-crazed animals as they storm each float, tearing from it all that they can carry. However, once they have reduced the floats to pathetic looking shells, the floats are asked to move and in their place, at a rapid speed, the Meaty Members set up the picnic tables, umbrellas and barbeques for everyone to use at their leisure. These picnic tables, umbrellas and barbeques are all set up around the great big stage and this is where I parked myself hours ago and where I still sit now.

For the last, I'd say hour (although, I'll tell you, it feels like a hell of a lot longer) I've been listening to wiener song after wiener song after wiener song. For change of pace one of the bands actually did take the time to do as Hal Leisure was hoping and sing a song, that they recently wrote, dedicated to the wonder and glory that is Family Time French Fries. The whole bands singing about wieners started out fine enough but, my stars and garters, I'm not sure I can take much more this.

I'm sorry, what did you say? Do you think I'm exaggerating how painful this is? Do you think of that I may be downplaying the hell that is listening to wiener song after wiener song after wiener song? Do you want to share in my pain? Because I can and I will. I will happily give you, not just a sample of the songs that I have had to sit through today, but I will narrate an entire song for you if you don't believe me when I say the songs are dreadful. No it doesn't matter what style the wiener song is rooted in: Folk song style, rap, rock or heavy metal, they've all been absolute rubbish because the fact remains that whatever the style the song is, it doesn't cover up the fact that the song is about wieners! Wieners are, tasty and even though I don't know what on God's earth they pump into those rubbery tubes, I love them. But, the songs are terrible because no one in their right mind would willingly write a song about wieners unless they were writing a song for a commercial. Yes, the crux of the situation, the heart of the matter is that the songs sound over the top contrived.

Okay, okay I can see that you think that I'm exaggerating. You think that I'm just jaded and cynical and I purposely want to not find any joy in musical tributes to picnic and /or barbeque fare. Okay you asked for, but don't say I didn't warn you. If you get this wiener song stuck in your head, and I can almost guarantee you will because it's just the kind of bad song that is made to get lodged in your brain for decades, don't come crying to me.

So, when we arrived, after we had enjoyed the picnic and or barbeque fare that we had hoarded from the floats, we were all handed a booklet with all the lyrics for all the songs that were going to be sung here today. I assume they performed this favor for us in case case we wanted to sing along. Now, because I don't want you to feel like you're missing out, I'll give you an example of just one of the wieners songs, just ONE, that I've had to sit through today and not sing along with.

This one is called... let me see..."Wieners Improve a Sunrise" by a band called Puppet Weasel. And so that I can really set the tone for you, this song is sort of a combination of punk and folk music. Enjoy and remember, you have been warned.

Sun does rise and then it sets

And in between you may forget

All the exciting things you did on that day.

But there are days, the super ones

Where you can remember all the fun

Yeah all the exciting things you did on that day.

But, what made those days

Different from the rest?

What turned those boring days

Into the best?

That's right it was wieners! Wieners!

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

Wieners! Wieners!

They make lame days

So much... keener!

Roasted, toasted, barbecued!

There's nothing that helps improve your mood


Wieners! Wieners! Wieners!

When you're picnicking, you're sure to want

The company of people who will not taunt

And tease you till you weep and cry

But if you cook up, just the right food

It won't matter to you if people are rude

Because you'll be happy eating the perfect French fry

So, what makes rude people

Like you more?

It's serving them the best fries

From your local grocery store

(remember, shopping local is good for your community)

Yeah French Fries! French fries!

Family Time French Fries

French Fries! French fries!

They'll only hurt, if you put them in your eye

(the French fries, not the rude people)

Now, when the sun rises, don't forget

That before Sunset you can get

The best day ever and maybe a little more

Buy a pack of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

With a side of Family Time French Fries

To make it keener

And you've got a day, that you'll definitely adore

What turns an ordinary day

Into the BEST?

A fabulous day that you can distinguish

From all the rest?

Wieners! Wieners!

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

Wieners! Wieners!

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

French fries! French fries!

Family Time French Fries!

French fries! French fries!

Family Time French Fries!

Great days are born, people, they're crafted!

Live, Laugh, Love and eat Wieners!

And always remember to recycle...

See? See? I told you that it awful! I told you that I wasn't exaggerating! That song was probably the worst song I've ever heard and I don't mean just today, I mean of all my time on this earth. Oh, ok. You agree. Well, it's about time and here you thought I was just being a cynical tool earlier but clearly I wasn't. If you feel the need to apologize, I understand.

But, my goodness, it was more than a little contrived don't you think? It wasn't even a subtle nod to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. And, what was with the environmental message out of nowhere? Blue Sky may be known for wieners and its batch of healthy smiles, but it is not known for its grand recycling plans. Well, whatever. I suppose in the end, it doesn't really matter what I thought of the song. What I can tell you is that Hal Leisure thought the song was a real winner. You should've seen him sitting on the sidelines clapping away like a small child at the circus. Whether or not he felt the song was contrived, is not for us to know. Hal obviously thought that song, and its ridiculous message, was super keen.

Unlike my mood which is anything but keen after all these wiener songs. I know, I'm going on and on, but I can't help it. I've really got to get out of here. Hey, don't give me a hard time. I made you sit through one. You haven't had all the keen wrung out of you. You try sitting through about ten or fifteen of the songs and then we'll see what kind of mood you're in. No, I'm not a mood killer. How can I be? May I remind you that, from a purely observational standpoint of course, nobody really knows that I'm here? My mood isn't to go affect anyone in Blue Sky. And I have to say that either the people in Blue Sky are all phenomenal actors or they are actually enjoying all these wiener songs. Of course the temperament and tolerance level for an excessive bout of wieners songs could be enabled by the fact that the liquor store float is the most popular float at the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade and picnic and /or barbeque. It is the one day of the year that the local police allow blatant public drunkenness. Honestly today I don't blame them for just letting it all slide. Being able to drink freely is maybe the only way to get through this day. Perhaps I should've indulged. Maybe I could've gotten through all those songs with the brilliant smile on my face if only I'd kick back a few but as the narrator that would be frowned upon.

But I digress yet again and to avoid further digression, if that actually is a word, it is time for this narrator to hand this story over the Hal Leisure. Hal has just taken the stage and heavens to Betsy, he's wearing a guitar. This can only mean two, no three things:

1.) He's about to sing his own Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener or Family Time French Fries Song.

2.) I need to get the heck out of here. I've a pretty good idea of what is going to happen anyway so, I think, I think I may have to go hunt down a beer.

3.) While I was getting the above mentioned beer, I was going to have Hal and his speech and song a part of Chapter Ten, Chapter Nine has already gone on too long. So, why don't you take a break with me? You can go hunt down your own beer or another beverage of your choice. We'll shoot the about things other than wieners and then when we're done, I'm going to have a second beverage and send you head long into Chapter Ten. How does that sound? Excellent! Let's get the hell out of here!