Wiener Wednesday is here...ok it's almost over, but just under the wire, I have the next Chapter of Top Dog for your scrutiny!
And now, I've off to bed!
Only it wasn't good night or a farewell. Sherman Fyre, as it turned out, had a lot more to say and sing about. You see after – what? Reader, why are you interrupting? Okay, so I took a little longer to come back to this story than I had intended. But there was a cute blonde hanging around the edge of the park who looked lonely and it looked like she needed someone to talk to. What? How could she see me? Well...I don't —I told you I have powers! If I want to interact with people in a story that may or may not have already happened, I can! So there!
However, I must confess. I'm a little concerned as she looked a lot like Hal Leisure's absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife, but it was dark so I couldn't really see her very well...and we only talked. Yes, I was a true gentleman so I suppose it doesn't matter who the lovely creature staying out of the direct light was.
Oh don't you give me attitude. You are getting a little too comfortable with me and my narration and it's bringing out your saucy side! Look, I forgot that I was supposed to come back at some point in chapter ten ok? And no, I wasn't there for the start of chapter eleven either, but I'm here now, and I'll be a big part of Chapter Twelve. It'll be alright.
So, let's get a move on. I'm here now to give you the lowdown on the aftermath that occurred once Sherman Fyre and his All Fyred Up Crew finished up their "Surefyre Wieners" song. Yes, let me tell you it was mayhem. The crowd absolutely went crazy for Sherman Fyre and Hal Leisure, no matter how many pleas he called to the crowd, to the Blue Sky folk, from his position on his stage Hal could not get the crowd back. They had forgotten all about him because not only did Sherman Fyre woo the crowd with his very catchy and, I have to admit, far superior company song (I know Hal said that his song was supposed to be about Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners but he was yammering on more about himself and his past that nobody really seems to care about. Or do they?) but for many hours after his fantastic entrance, Sherman Fyre entertained the crowd with various songs of a rocklike nature. And you know, for a man who was a bit round around the middle I have to say he is extremely agile and nimble on his feet. The crowd ate it up every second that he was on stage and they loved him. Moreover, not only did they love him they loved his wieners. People, who for years had shunned Surefyre Wieners and had only ever tried Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, jumped at the chance to try the Surefyre Wieners. Sherman's cronies were throwing those hot wieners out to the crowd by the dozens from his portable stage/float and the people there, the once loyal to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Blue Sky crowd; they were using the barbecues that Hal Leisure had provided for the Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners to cook their freshly caught Surefyre Wieners on. You know, I sincerely believe that every time somebody threw a Surefyre Wiener on one of Hal's barbecues, a little piece of Hal Leisure's soul died.
Frankly watching Hal try to win the crowd back, even after they started cooking and eating Surefyre Wieners at the Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners picnic and/or barbeque was little hard to swallow. In his final attempt to win back the Blue Sky crown back to his side Hal tried reminding the crowd that some of the bands had yet to sing their wiener songs and then letting them know that he could not give out the Giant Golden Wiener Prize for best Wiener or French fry song without the crowd hearing all of the songs. However, nobody was listening and nobody cared; they just continued to scream along with Sherman Fyre and cook his Surefyre Wieners on Hal's barbeques.
The worst part of that whole picnic and/or barbeque was that while Hal stood there and watched his once beloved and loyal Blue Sky crowd turn their attention on Sherman Fyre, as he watched everything he'd worked for slip away after 15 years of not even knowing that this robust showman in his fairly fine red suit even existed, Hal's face slowly slipped into a frown. I truly believe that as Hal Leisure's Meaty Members witnessed Hal's never changing sunny expression turn into something dark and heinous, a bit of each of their souls died.
About halfway through Sherman Fyre's concert he took it down a few notches. While Sherman sat on the edge of this float/ portable stage and talked to the crowd and a member of his All Fyred up crew played classical guitar in the background, he told the Blue Sky folk this tale:
"Folks of Blue Sky, I'd like to tell you a little tale. It's a tale about a man who had a dream about wieners. When I was growing up wieners were my favorite food. I couldn't get enough of them. However, at the same time, I always felt that there was something missing from the wieners. I felt, I felt that they could be something more than just a tube to put on a bun and cover in ketchup. I wanted them to be so much more. I felt that people should not have to put ketchup on the wieners. I wanted to invent, to create the kind of wiener people would eat without the aid of condiments. I wanted to create a wiener people would crave.
After I graduated from high school I went to college which kept me busy, but I never forgot about wieners and my dream of better wieners. While I was at college I did some crazy things! I experimented with all kinds of foods, I talked to people I ignored in high school and went to independent films. You know the kinds of films they show in tiny theaters with not terribly strict hygiene code… Ya, that's right! I did all the crazy things you do at college when you want to feel different and novel and fit in!
Now, one night after I went to a club and digested a belly full of acid jazz, I went out for some Filipino food. I was in the mood for some pork. I ordered a pork dish. The pork was golden fried and it was coated in a spicy blend of flavors. Now I don't know whether what's the mood and lighting or the belly full of acid jazz… but that night I came up with something extraordinary. That was the night that I decided the how and the what that would become my famous wiener creation. It was that night that I came up with the plan to add spice to wieners. It was, if I may, a Surefyre idea. And before I had even left that little Filipino restaurant, I knew they would be a hit, a Surefyre winner and therefore in an instant, Sherman Fyre's spicy wiener plan became Surefyre Wieners. I paid for my delicious and inspiring Filipino pork dish and I left that place knowing that I was about to embark on a path of wiener glory known only to a few men.
A few men like Hal Leisure. Now I know most of you Blue Sky folk are loyal to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and a lot of you Blue Sky Folk, I'm guessing, don't like change. But come on Blue Sky, every once in a while you step up and try something new and keep that new thing in your life for a long time, not just for one day. I'm not here to ruin Hal's business no-no! I'm here to give him some healthy competition. I'm here give you, the people of Blue Sky, a choice! Now when you go shopping you can either buy Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners with its free pack of loss or you can buy Surefyre Wieners that comes with nothing but the feeling of being awesome. Surefyre wieners will make you feel powerful, they'll make you feel stronger and they'll make you feel like you can do anything that requires strength and power and the feeling of being awesome! That's right Blue Sky; it's time to discover your inner awesome.
I know that Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners promote a family-friendly lifestyle. I know they make you feel safe. I know why in Blue Sky they are the number one selling wiener. They make you feel comfortable. They make you feel like you're dining with a friend or your family. Well Blue Sky, how about dining with a stranger! That's right take a walk on the wild side and dine with a stranger that is on Fyre! Yes Surefyre wieners may be a little warm in your mouth and they may even make you feel a little dangerous, but I think that is what this town needs! I can see it in your eyes people, the excitement, and the wonder! You can't lie to me. Through your aura I can see right into your soul: you need some shaking up, you need some Fyre in your life! You need to spice things up like you've never spiced things up before! You need Surefyre winners! Now enough yacking; let's get back to rocking!"
And with that, well if Sherman Fyre didn't already have the folks of Blue Sky eating out of the palm of his hand, they were now! Quite literally actually. Everyone soon lined up enjoyed a Surefyre Wiener right from the palm of his hand. It was sort of disturbing actually and a sort of cult like atmosphere settled in at the picnic and/or barbecue. Everyone was caught up in the new, in the exciting, and in the Fyre.
Well, everyone except Hal Leisure and his Meaty Members. While Sherman Fyre was wooing the crowd with his next round of vocal acrobatics and wiener eating, nobody noticed Hal Leisure and his Meaty Members pack up their instruments, haul away the speakers and take down the stage.
Nobody even noticed the sound of Hal frowning above the sound of rocking out. Hal was feeling so desperate for even a little affirmation, for a little hint that he may still be an ok guy that while his Meaty Members were taking down the stage, Hal tried calling his family on his cell phone. He caught glimpses of them at the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners parade followed by picnic and/or barbecue, but they never approached the stage to join in his song as he'd hoped they would. Rumor had reached his ears that at some point during the picnic and/or barbeque that his absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife suddenly had left the kids at the picnic and/or barbeque to run off with someone. Hal never quite caught who she was rumored to have run off with but I truly believe that she may have been off somewhere, helping Andre put those ridiculous stickers on the bun bags… If you know what I mean… Or maybe you don't. Maybe you're of the age where you really don't catch innuendo which may be for the best.
However, no one at home answered and so Hal lingered in the space where the stage had been for a while, after his Meaty Members had gone home, hoping his family would come and find him. When it was clear they would not be joining him in his frown and disappointment, Hal picked up his guitar case. Before heading to his car, he watched the mayhem that was Sherman Fyre and the All Fyred up crew easily working over the Blue Sky Folks like... people are easily worked over. I apologize that could be beer clouding my brain. I'm having trouble coming up with metaphors to fit this dark moment, or I suppose that would be a simile since I use the word "like". The point is that Hal stayed there longer than he really wanted to. He watched his Blue Sky folks, his loyal Blue Sky customers become something he never expected; fans of another kind of wiener. Mostly, he never expected it because until recently Hal didn't even know he had competition. It's amazing how moving to Blue Sky put Hal Leisure's head firmly in the clouds.
After about an hour of waiting for his family to show up... and the whole time he was waiting he knew in his heart that they actually wouldn't show up... Hal slowly headed to his car to go home. On the way to his car, Hal ran into his dentist.
"Hey there Hal, Hal are you doing? You seem to be walking to your car, at your Leisure."
"Oh, Dr. Korn...I didn't see you there...lurking behind my car, but ah...yes, good one! Hal are you, instead of How are you. I get it. Very clever."
"And the leisure part? Was that good too?"
"The...oh yes, walking at my Leisure. Excellent. Wow...you are quite funny Dr. Korn.
"Well, yes, I am a riot, but lately...I've had a lot of time to work on my jokes."
"To work on my jokes...you know...when I'm not golfing...I work on my jokes...during my free time."
"OH, that's nice Dr. Korn. To have free time I mean."
"Yes...but Hal...I haven't seen you in the office for a while? You must be due for a checkup?"
"You may be right Dr. Korn, I think my teeth are fine, I floss every day...sometimes twice a day...and I also use a really good tooth—Dr. Korn. I'm sorry Dr. Korn, but I just don't....I don't really want to talk about my teeth right now. I'd really like to go home. I've had a rather...unexpected event interrupt and well basically ruin my parade and picnic and/or barbeque. This day, the day of the Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener parade is usually the highlight of my year, next to Wiener Treat Days at the office, but...I just...I need go home and have a huge think on how I'm not going to let this get me down. This frown that you see on my face now? Well, as soon as I can find some rays of hope in the cloudy day, it's coming off. It's hurting me, Dr. Korn. This frown is hurting me."
"Hmmm...you know that is too bad Hal. I sure hate to see a frown take the place of that ridiculous smile that you normally have plastered on that pasty mug of yours, but life isn't always up, Hal. No matter how much you don't want clouds to cover your Blue Sky, you can't always predict what's coming. Or in your case, have the faintest clue what was coming. I hear you hadn't even heard of Sherman Fyre until recently. Anyway, you should always keep a frown in your back pocket Hal because you just never know when something like...a competing wiener company is going to set up shop in your town, set up out of the clear blue sky, and extremely quickly because the new company has a way of bypassing permit laws so don't even try to find a loop hole and try to shut him down; yes, Sherman Fyre has set up shop in your town, almost like he was asked to come here and deliberately try to take your business away. You never know when that's going to happen to you Hal! So keep that frown around for things like that and for when you find out other things...such as why is your absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife not giving you the attention she used to or for when you start to question whether or not those really are your kids! Just keep that frown handy Hal because the good times, they aren't always going to be around!"
"Wow...thank-you...Dr. Korn, but if you know me...and really I don't think you do, but you seem to know about a lot about my life that apparently I'm blind to...I'm not one for staying down. No sir...I'll find a way to wipe this frown off my face! Before you know it, I'll have my ridiculous smile plastered, once again on my pasty mug!"
"We'll see about that."
"Yes, we...what? What did you say?"
But when Hal looked up from his shoes, Dr. Korn was gone and all that was left was the smell of bubble gum scented fluoride...