Monday, November 12, 2012

Nano 2012: Top Dog, Chapter Six

Hello Blog Fans

And welcome to Monday, Nov. 12th. I'm happy to report that I'm pretty much at quota level for my Nano Novel. I'll be tacking today's quota soon and will try not to get a day behind again. Yesterday I had to play catchup which challenging, but I managed. I'm quite happy with my novel so far even though it's beyond ridiculous. However, my husband seems to be liking it and my daughter is enjoying it to the point of quoting parts over and over that she finds hilarious. She's also very helpful in the editing process. Yes, yes...I know December is for editing, but since I'm posting as I go, I try to eliminate any grievous grammatical and spelling errors before I put it on the internet. It's just how I roll. Anyway, my little one is actually far better at all things grammatical then I am and yesterday while see was reading over my latest chapters she added commas where needed and even changed a word or two when it was I meant one version of that word, but had written the other.

For example I wrote "Chilly" when I should have written "Chili". Am I saddened that she picked up such an obvious error that I didn't even notice? Not at all. I'm very proud of her English skills. She has the makings to be a far better writer than I am.

So, enjoy your day. If I recall correctly, today marks the 25th Anniversary of the day I saw "Dirty Dancing" in the theatre. Whew...that's a long time ago and I'm not even 100% of why I remember this day. I thought the movie was ok. Sorry...I wasn't nuts for it. Yes, I thought it was very moving when the guy from Ghost told Lumiere that "Nobody puts Baby in the corner" before he stormed off to go find  Ferris Bueller's sister and lift her up in that "King of the world!" pose. Yes, it was a high point in the film, but I think since then I've seen the movie...once? Twice maybe?

Ok, well without further stalling, I give you, Top Dog, Chapter 6! I actually have 7 and 8 ready to roll, but I don't want to overwhelm you with awesome so I'm pacing the chapter output. And yes, I know this is a LONG chapter, but not as long as it could have been. When I finished Chapter 6 it was twice as long as this! So and I did this for you Blog Fans, I cut it in half, ending it rather dramatically, wrote Chapter 7 and then named the rest of Chapter Six Chapter Eight. Don't think I don't care, because I do. I really do.



Chapter Six

"Well Meaty Members, I've got to say that I am more than pleased with the sales of our new Family Time French Fries. I mean, I had a feeling, you know, in my gut, in my heart, in my soul, that they would do well because who doesn't like family time and who doesn't like French fries? Bringing the two together was a stroke of pure genius...on my part. Am I right? Spokesman for my Meaty Members, am I right?"

"Yes, Mr. Leisure, we Meaty Members also had that feeling because we also believe that there is no one out there that doesn't enjoy family time and delicious French fries. There is really no way that this product could fail; a truly genius decision on your part."

"Right you are, Meaty Members. However, along with the love that everyone has for family and French fries, I feel that the fine commercial that we shot a couple weeks ago is a huge part of the rapid success of Family Time French Fries. I think it's one of our best commercials, if not the best, Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners commercial that we have shot to date."

"We agree, Mr. Leisure. It is a very good commercial indeed. We are pleased that you are so happy with how it...turned out."

"Yes, it is amazing that I feel this way. It is nothing short of a miracle that I believe that this is our best commercial, even though we didn't talk about how we were going to work Family Time French Fries into that commercial. I believe this, even though Family Time French Fries was only casually thrown in at the end with a voiceover alerting our Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners customer of our new product; a rather clever idea that I unfortunately can't take credit for. In case you aren't sure my Meaty Members, I am being a bit sarcastic. I know it's a tone you don't normally hear from me, being that I'm so normally upbeat, positive and life affirming, but heck, Meaty Members, I feel a sarcastic tone is warranted now."

"Well, Mr. Leisure sir, as I told you earlier that was an unfortunate oversight on our part. When we were discussing the shots that we were going to set up for the commercial we completely forgot that we were actually supposed to be creating a commercial for Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener's new product, Family Time French Fries. I guess we got caught up in all the excitement and well...yes, Mr. Leisure, it was a huge mistake that could have really hurt us in the end. It could have cost a lot of money for no reason, but after we watched the commercial together and you stood up to thank everybody for their hard work regarding the commercial for Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and Family Time French Fries, if you recall one of the Meaty Members, I believe it was Stu, he pointed out that there were actually no shots or mention of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners new product, Family Time French Fries. I say this with all due respect sir, but you yourself didn't even notice that we'd forgotten to make any mention of Family Time French Fries or that we'd forgotten to film of any people eating and enjoying Family Time French Fries."

"Yes, Meaty Member, yes I do recall that fact and you're right, I too didn't notice which is a regret and a shame I will carry for life, so thank you for bringing it up. Yes, it was a very difficult time for me because, if you recall, I had one of my rare moments of anger and I hope you will forgive me when I tell you this but, I think I frowned. It was very painful, emotionally and physically for me. I could feel my face almost tearing when it went into the frown. Yes, Meaty Members, it actually hurt my face. My glorious mug is not used to using my frown muscles as I'm am usually so happy, positive and life affirming. But, I was frustrated Meaty Members, I really was. But thankfully Stu, after I wiped that hideous frown off my face, came up with that wonderful idea of just sort of adding the exciting news of Family Time French Fries in a voiceover at the end...well, Stu...I think you saved my face from experiencing added frown pain. "

"I'm glad to have helped Mr. Leisure. However, I hope that I will never have to wipe another frown off your face."

"Me too, Stu, me too. But you know what doesn't make me frown? Is that commercial! Can we get back to that for a minute?"

"Yes sir, Mr. Leisure. What would you like to discuss?"

"I'd like to talk about the shots! They were spectacular and, may I add, humorous."

"Yes Mr. Leisure, they were. You've always said that there's no reason why people can't find wieners humorous."

"Exactly, exactly, Meaty Member! I really enjoyed the shot where I turn to the camera and say "Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners: you can enjoy them, at your leisure!"

"Yes, sure it was a delightful...I'm not sure if pun is the right word, but a on words."

"Yes, yes it was. I really thought the lighting used in that shot brought out the sky blue in my leisure suit. It gave the suit a breathtaking hue, am I right?"

"Most definitely, Mr. Leisure. A breathtaking, sky blue hue."

"Good rhyming Meaty Member. Now, how about when I knocked that small child off his bike in order to get to a buy a delicious Meaty Teeth Leisure Wiener from an official Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener wiener cart? That was priceless! His crying was so real. What an actor he was."

"Actually Mr. Leisure, sir, his crying, if you recall, was real. The small child accidently rode his bike into the shot, between you and the Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener wiener cart. You weren't supposed to knock him or any small child off his bike while running to a wiener cart to enjoy a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener."


"Yes, Mr. Leisure. If you recall, and I can understand how may have forgotten as you are a busy man and you were 'in the moment', truly focused on your Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener experience, but the small child's parents also ran into scene moments after you knocked their small child off his bike and threatened to sue you until your onsite lawyer offered them Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners for a year. Is any of this ringing a bell, Mr. Leisure?"

" know...I just can''m, afraid not...but...well, no matter, the shot was great! He's a natural slapstick comedian! The way he fell so naturally—naturally!"

"Again, sir, he wasn't—and his parents—"

"Or how about, Meaty Members, the moment when I kiss my absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife and receive painful hugs from my loving children at the end of the commercial?"

"It's a nice shot sir...but I wouldn't say it was humorous..."

"No, neither would I, Meaty Member, unless you're laughing at the irony of the scene itself! I can't remember the last time my family showed me any genuine love that they weren't being paid to show! Yes...good times..."

"Sir, I'm confused...your family doesn't love you? I thought..."

"I'm kidding, Meaty Member! Of course they love me! I'm just throwing a little Hal Humor at you. No, no...That scene was touching, moving and the perfect place to star wipe to a screen shot saying 'now in stores to enjoy alongside your Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, Family Time French Fries.' Everyone knows that I love my family and that I have an absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife. They don't need to see it plastered on the screen for an overly long time. That would be gratuitous."

"Yes sir, that is perhaps correct. Were there, Mr. Leisure, any shots that you enjoyed that you weren't in?"

"Hmmm...let me think about that Meaty Member...just give me a minute...there has to be at least one. Oh yes, the shot where that actor eating a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener while swimming gets his hand bitten off out of nowhere by a shark! That was a stone riot! How did you guys manage that shot? It looked so real and the look of shock on that actor's face was award winning in its sincerity."

"Ah...well...we had a bit of extra money in the special effects budget. That actor didn't really lose his hand to a shark—or his leg—while shooting that fabulous Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners commercial. No sir, not at all. It was all great acting and special effects."

"Are you sure, Meaty Member?"

"Yes, Mr. Leisure, sir, why, why, why would you question me?"

"Well, because Meaty Member, your tone, your posture, your face having gone a sort of ketchup red and the fact that you won't meet my look and sound like you may be hiding something from me...something like...that actor really did lose his hand to a shark."

"No, no sir, Mr. Leisure. See, look, I can look you directly in eyes as assure you that it was all special effects. The actor is...still alive...and resting."

"Well, that's good to hear. Although, it's really a shame. I sort of feel sorry for him."

"You feel sorry for the actor, sir?"

"No, the shark..."

"The shark, Mr. Leisure? The not real shark that we hadn't been warned about at all by the life guard and news reports, but chose to ignore...that shark?"

"Yes, Meaty Member, that shark. You see, if it had been a real shark, I bet he would have really enjoyed his meal of human hand and a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener. "

"Yes, sir, I'm sure he did—or would have, if it had been a real shark, which it wasn't, because it was special effects and the shark didn't eat the actor's hand —and leg– and cough up the Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener moments later. No sir that did not happen."

"Well, I'm glad to hear it because that would have been the special effect! Cough up my that's funny!"

"Ha, ha...yes sir, Mr. Leisure."

"Ha, ha indeed, but getting back to the outcome of that nearly disastrous commercial, disastrous in that you all dropped the ball regarding Family Time French Fries, the commercial has obviously worked wonders on our consumers as sales are great! Actually, from what I hear they are beyond great. So, let us forget the near catastrophe of the commercial and focus on our numbers. Of course, if you ever have an oversight like that again I may keep smiling but I will beat you all. I have a stack of frozen wieners in a trap door under my desk and I'm not afraid to use them so don't make me look like a fool again! Do you understand Meaty Members?"

"Yes sir, Mr. Leisure, we most definitely understand."

"Excellent. So what else is going on? What else in there to report in terms of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener news?"

"Well, Mr. Leisure, we are extremely happy to report that not only are stores in Blue Sky having trouble keeping Family Time French Fries stocked in their freezers, but stores all across our superb country are running out of Family Time French Fries daily! Mr. Leisure sir, we are exuberant in our effusive happiness and we are thrilled to report that even though Family Time French Fries have been out for only two weeks, they are the number one selling French Fry in this superb country!"

"Oh my goodness Meaty Members, this is exciting and wholly expected news. I say expected in a way that I hope doesn't sound vain or cocksure. No my fine Meaty Members, I mean it in that I had every confidence that everyone in this superb country loved family time and French Fries and therefore, the product of Family Time French Fries could not become anything but number one. However, to hear it as a bona fide fact are failing me as never before. I'm just so proud of myself...of all of us."

"Well, we are pleased to have been able to give you such exhilarating news. It's an honour to work with you, sir. However, the good news doesn't end there, Mr. Leisure. We are also pleased to announce that Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners are at an all-time high for sales. Those folks out there in our superb country, and even in Blue Sky, who have never sunk their teeth into a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener, couldn't resist the urge to try them alongside Family Time French Fries. For years, they have been eating Surefyre Wieners, and have never dared to try a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener. However, once they tried Family Time French Fries, they couldn't resist finally trying a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener. Sir, you have gained a whole new lot of taste buds addicted to your Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. It's a very exciting time for our company."

"Whew...that is a lot of wonderful news to absorb at once Meaty Members. But, this Surefyre Wieners...this name...should I know this?"

"Well, yes, Mr. Leisure sir. I strongly suspect that you should be at least a little familiar with the name. This brand of wiener, Surefyre Wieners has been your strongest competition since you started Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. Surefyre Wieners have been standing in the way of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners achieving ultimate success in the wiener market due to their strong popularity before you created Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. Sir, are you serious when you say you've never heard of Surefyre Wieners?"

"I can tell by the look on your face, Meaty Member, that this fact is not one that pleases you, but I fear it is so. I am always so focused on my own product that I cannot name another wiener brand out there, even one as popular as you say this, Surefyre Wieners is."

"I have to be honest, Mr. Leisure and say that I am stunned. Did you not meet the owner of Surefyre Wieners last year at the Picnic Trade show?"

"The owner? Trade show?"

"Yes, Mr. Leisure! The owner, operator and mad genius of Surefyre Wieners! He is a man who nobody in the wiener industry dares to wrong. He is sure footed, strong willed and has a penchant for overreaction. A man named Sherman Fyre!"

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