Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Nano 2012: Top Dog, Chapter Four

Hello Blog Fans

Before you throw yourself into the weirdness that is Top Dog, I'd like to say that I'm sorry that I've been neglecting you, but I've also been trying to stay calm in the face of a the three government tests I get to write tomorrow. I'm super excited...especially after spending many hours today working on practice tests and discovering that I still suck at math. Seriously. This isn't a "Oh, I'm really awesome, but I'm just pretending I'm bad at math..." No, I'm terrible. I took almost an hour to do a 13min. test involving percentages, decimals and fractions. I was near tears. If it wasn't for finding the kid;'s site "Math is Fun!" I'd still be sitting at this desk lamenting my crappy math skills while nursing a bottle of apple wine.

However, I persevered and am now confident that if I stay calm, I may actually pass the math portion of tomorrow's test. I'm super glad though that I did the practice tests. If I hadn't, then tomorrow, many, many people in my town would have seen me turn into a weepy pile of sadness goo as I wracked my brain, trying hard to remember how to add improper fractions.

sigh...anyway, enough whining. Let's get on with it eh?

Thanks for reading!

Chapter Four

As the bright blue of the afternoon sky gives over to the evening twilight and the trees that line the streets of Blue Sky melt into shadow the residents of the small town sit down to dinner.

In a home in the center part of town, it is about to be a particularly special night for one man and his family. Perhaps you think I'm talking about Hal Leisure but no, I'm talking about somebody else. I'm talking about a man named Brent Holland. Who is this Brent Holland you are asking? Is he really essential to the story? Wouldn't it be better if we found out from Hal about the commercial shoot went today? Well I know you're curious to see if that meeting we just left resulted in Hal and his Meaty Members coming up with the perfect way to sell their already popular Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and their soon to be popular Family Time French Fries, but that is a tale for later. I feel that it is of some importance the meet Brent Holland and his family.

Again, you ask why? Can't I just get on with this narrative? Oh fine; the answer to why Brent Holland and his family are so important to this —if you keep interrupting me, I can guarantee EPIC — tale is because they represent all those in Blue Sky who enjoy the Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. They are being used, in a way I suppose, to help you the reader understand how loved these wieners are. I don't have time to narratively skip from house to house, introducing you to every family in Blue Sky who loves these wieners. The Holland family is the perfect example of a family who enjoys all the joy that eating Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners has to offer. Through their eyes, you can see the love for the wieners.

I hope that helps you enjoy this chapter a little more.

So, as I was saying a couple hundred words ago, this particular night is going to be a very special night for Brent Holland. Why? Well I'll tell you why, because it's Tuesday. Now hold on; don't get mad at me for thinking I set you up for a big important chapter only hit you with nonsense. I've not done that to you yet and I've no intention of doing it to you anytime soon...unless I need to.

Yes, Tuesdays are very special for Brent Holland and his family. Well, they are especially special for Brent Holland and I honestly think that his family only humors him on Tuesdays, but that is a story for another time. I'm not saying that they don't enjoy Tuesdays in their own way, but perhaps not quite as much as Brent does. You see what makes Tuesdays so special for Brent Holland is it on Tuesdays his wife cooks up his favorite meal. I'm sure you know where this is headed so I'll stop there and let you all join in on now on Brent Holland and his family as they sit down to his favorite meal of roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners.

Sorry what's that? Are you asking questions again? I would like a bit of break, but no, no; you've got to drag me back just as I was about to have a smoke to ask me foolish questions that will only slow up things. Ok, fire away. Why is Tuesday wiener night at the Holland household and not any other day of the week? What about the other days of the week? Why not Wednesday?

Well, I can sense that you are and audience that enjoys alliteration but I afraid I'm not an overlarge fan of it. So even if Brent Holland actually did enjoy having his wieners on Wednesday I would still change the day to another day of the week because Wiener Wednesdays just sounds contrived. That's right. I told you earlier that I have power in this story and I wasn't kidding. Besides, you're a smart bunch of readers. You must agree that "Wiener Wednesday" just sounds childish.

What about the rest of the days...oh for the love of...can't you run them through your head yourself? You could close the book and think about it all on your own! I could go back to not thinking about it and we could move on! Ok fine! Wiener Thursdays just sounds weird. What? You think I'm not trying very hard to give you good reasons? Well, that's too dang bad and besides, they aren't my reasons anyway, they're Brent Holland's. If I recall, he tossed around the idea of Friday Wiener fest, but it just didn't agree with Brent and his delicate sensibilities. Plus his daughter often goes out on Friday nights and as enjoying roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners is something Brent Holland likes to do with his whole family, after a family vote, Friday Wiener Fest was taken off the table.

Saturday wiener day doesn't work in the Holland house hold either I'm afraid as they often go out that night for dinner about the town or are with other family members. However it is a night of the week where wieners may be served if it is the celebration of someone's birth or another family occasion. Those weeks make Brent Holland a happy, happy man because he gets to have two wiener days in one week. In a life so full of disappointments, Brent feels it's really important to celebrate the little things even if others around you disagree...loudly.

So where were we...are you sure we need to go on? Ok fine, Sunday, in Brent Holland's world is not a day for wieners. He's aware that there are some families, some families that he even socializes with, that enjoy wieners on a Sunday. He know that perhaps in some parts of the country people eat Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners on Sunday, but in the Holland household Brent really prefers to not have wieners on Sunday. He says it's just not right and he won't tell a soul why.

Ok, finally we've arrived at Monday. For while the Holland household did attempt to have wiener Mondays but it just seems so sad. Perhaps it's just the word Monday the gets Brent Holland down. Or perhaps it's because he often has to work late on Mondays and therefore sitting down to a meal of wieners by himself when his children are in bed or watching TV while his wife is curled up in her favorite chair and the back corner of the house with one of those racy novels that she enjoys, sitting down to a plate of roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners without the love of his family around him would empty the joy out of his favorite meal.

So there you have it; an overly long explanation about why Tuesdays is wiener night at Brent Holland's Hal. Besides, Tuesday Wiener Night has a nice ring to it.

Let's join them now shall we? Are we all done? Are you going to stall me a little bit longer? No? All right then. Please, let us finally meet Brent Holland and his family.

"Welcome home dear."

"Why thank you honey. It's nice to be home with my family."

"Why don't you go and sit at the table. Everyone is waiting and they're all very excited tonight."

"Well, why would they not be excited, my dear? After all it is Tuesday Wiener night and even though we've had many Tuesday Wiener Nights in a row I don't think any of us could ever get tired of our wonderful meal of roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners."

"Right you are my love but, tonight is extra special."

"Extra special? Have I forgotten something? Is it somebody's birthday?"

"No it's not anybody's birthday. Well, at least not in our house but it would appear that you have forgotten something. And being such a huge fan of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners I'm actually kind of surprised you forgot."

"Well as I sit down with my family at our fine dining room table filled with many wonderful condiments to go with our meal of roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, I'll try to remember what it is that I forgotten."

"Okay dear you just chat with our children and I'll go… But I'll be right back."

"But where are you—where could your mother be going kids? It appears to me that we have everything we need to enjoy our delicious Tuesday Wiener Night is on the table with us already. We have a sweet picnic wine ready to go. It was chosen with great care from our local liquor store. It is lovely that there is a picnic wine that is perfect to drink while enjoying roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. And son, what do we have right in front you that also complements our meal so perfectly?"

"Well Dad, we have milk from our local dairy. It's very fine, or dairy fine as I know you're fond of saying, milk that will help me grow up to be big and strong and have a family of my own. And when I have a family of my own I can only hope that we will also have a special night every week where we will all sit down to a meal of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners."

"Very good son. I'm proud of you and I don't think that you'll have to worry. You have all the makings of a family man. You are smart, good-natured and you love home cooking. That is all that a good woman looks for in a man. Well, all that and a sense of humor. At least that's what I was told when I was younger and what I've ready in countess women's magazines. In some polls I read, a sense of humor rated higher than looks which I was pleased about. I wasn't blessed with the best of looks and when your mother and I met, she said my humor made me handsome. However, I can't remember the last time your mother laughed at a joke I've made. We were first married it was – we laughed a lot. I miss that. Anyway...go on son. I don't mean to bring the meal time mood down. You look like you've got something else to say."

"I was going to ask Dad, if you're saying that I should bother with a sense of humor? Are you saying that I should hope that I'm good looking because if I meet a woman who says she loves me for being funny, eventually my jokes will get old and my wife will just rather that I was quiet and beg me to stop making jokes that she doesn't find funny anymore especially when she would rather sit in a corner and read books about bare chested guys who want to take her away from her sad, sorry existence?"

"Wow...that was a mouthful. Well son, that's not quite what I was saying and I'm not really sure how you got that insight out of my statement. I was just saying to you of all the makings of a family man and I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that you drink milk from the local dairy and that you are part of a family that takes time to have family meals and enjoy local products with your family meals that consist a very fine local product that is...? What product am I talking about my dear daughter?"

"Huh? What? Are you talking to me?"

"Yes, I am my dear daughter. I was asking you what fine, local product we like to eat at family meals."

"I don't know...?"

"Oh my, but you are a funny child! Oh I think you do my dear girl. Look at what is in front of you. Well, in front of you, on that silver platter and underneath that silver lid. What fine local product are we as a family sitting down to enjoy together tonight. This is my favorite night of the week."

"Fine, I'll play along. We're about to have the same thing that we have every single Tuesday and on Saturdays if we are having a celebration or it somebody's birthday or lawn bowling team almost beat that crowd from the nursing home and or you managed to clean your car or you went entire day without ticking off mom..."

"Ok, daughter...I think that's enough..."

"Ok, whatever, but Dad, we actually have wieners so many times on Saturdays, the Saturdays we're home and not out with your creepy co-workers, that we should actually just, admit it we have wiener nights twice a week and I know that you really, really enjoy Tuesday Wiener Night but I've got to tell you Dad... I am, and I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm get a little bit tired of—"

"Yes dear, my sweet daughter, my firstborn? What are you getting tired of? I hope that you are not about to break my heart and tell me that you are tired of Tuesday Wiener Night. Because I'm not sure that I could take that kind of news from you. I haven't had the best day at work you know. People are not buying pens quite as much they used to. Nobody wants 1000 pens with their company name written on them anymore. No they don't want to talk to the lonely pen salesman. They want to talk to the hotshot kid about websites and educational marketing and insight strategies; terms that I just am not familiar with. These new technologies make me feel lost in a world gone haywire and if there is one thing in my life that I hope I can always count on it's the delicious taste of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. I will not live in the world where my Tuesdays and yes okay, I will admit, my Saturdays as well suddenly become vacant and empty of our local Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. I need them. I need those nights to look forward to. They give my life a sense of order and consistency that I so crave in a time that I no longer understand!

So if you, my dear daughter, are about to tell me that you are tired of Tuesday Wiener Night then I am going to ask you to something that I never thought I would ask my daughter to do. I am going to ask you to lie to me. I know I've raised you with honesty, but I believe amongst those honest teachings you must have sensed that every once in a while in order to not hurt or scar or maim the people you love, lying is the only way to protect their feelings. So my sweet Angel what were you going to say here a little bit tired of?"

"I was going to say that...I'm tired of waiting for Mom! Where is she? She went into the kitchen about 5 min. ago to bring out the special item that she said she was surprised that you had forgotten about, but I know what it is she went in to get and I'm sure it will really make Tuesday Wiener Night even more exciting that I already think it is."

"That's my girl. Son, do you have anything you would like to lie to me about? Come on! Give it a go! Right now, I'm giving you a free pass for a big lie!"

"Is my lie that I also enjoy Tuesday Wiener Night over and over and over?"

"Is that your lie?"

"It might be? Oh I thought of another one. Can it be that I didn't superglue the principal's desk drawers shut? Because I didn't. Nope, not even a little bit! So when you get a phone call later on this evening about that it wasn't me."

"That's a really lie son. I'll remember that when they call tonight."

"Um… Dad I think your son was telling you something kind of bad that he did at school today and maybe you shouldn't—"

"Hush, my dear daughter because it really doesn't matter what inappropriate activity he did to the principal's desk today. I gave him a free pass for a fib so were just going to play along – and besides here comes your mother; my beautiful wife, who still loves me even though she never tells me that."

"Here we are! The latest addition to our Tuesday wiener night brought to you by our favorite company in Town Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners."

"And delivered with such flourish. Honey, where did you get that other silver platter and what is hiding under that giant silver lid?"

"My dear one is this just an act or are you really telling me that you have forgotten all about Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners newest product?"

"I – no – it can't be here already? I didn't realize they were bringing them out so soon. I saw them shooting the commercial today out on Main street, but for some reason I thought that the product wasn't going to be coming out in Blue Sky until the rest of the country would be able to sit down at the same time as us and enjoy Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners latest, and what I can only assume will be extremely enjoyable, product."

"No my dear last week Hal Leisure sent out a newsletter to everybody in Blue Sky reminding them of the newest product, coming soon from Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. In the newsletter, he even let everyone know about the commercial shoot with a gentle warning that his camera's would be all over the city trying to catch people unawares and hopefully while were enjoying his company's wieners. Which was very nice of him because sometimes you know, you do things that you don't want caught on film so it's good to know when he'll be out and about filming. I would hate to get caught doing something really awful like watching Andre and his buns.

"What? What's that about Andre and his buns?"

"What? Oh, nothing honey. Anyway, in his newsletter Hal Leisure also said that we, the people of Blue Sky, would be the first town in our fine country to try his latest product... And I can tell by the look on your face that you finally remembered honey what that new product is and what is under this big silver lid?"

"I am so emotional right now. Kids, you just have to bear with me while I break down at our dinner table and right in front of Hal Leisure's latest product from Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. Yes, honey. I know what's under that lid: it's Family Time French Fries. I can't believe the day is finally here and that the day he released his fries to the people of Blue Sky was on the same day as our Tuesday Wiener Night. It's really a glorious evening. I can't believe that as well as buns from our local bakery, that fine establishment just down the road from us that we have another starch product to complement our roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. Honey put that tray down on the table. I just... I just gotta hug you I'm just so happy. Kids stand up join us big hug... No? Honey you're still holding the tray...Don't you want to hug me?"

"Well, yes of course I do Brent, but I want to serve you these Family Time French Fries even more."

"Okay, that's a statement I can get on board with, but you get a hug you owe me a hug!"

"Yes, dear...we'll...see."

"Wow, Dad...look at that glorious pile of potatoes under that silver lid! Dad what makes Family Time French Fries so special?"

"Well son, according to the newsletter that I remember receiving now, these Family Time French Fries are made with locally grown potatoes and because the people that grew these potatoes and will continue to grow them and pick them and bring them to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners to be turned into delicious Family Time French Fires, because they are all members of one big family, the love of family is passed on to us through these french fries. These Family Time French Fries will bring families together. Family Time French Fries."


"Yes my darling daughter?"

"Why would fries equal more family time?"

"Well my dear, right now we enjoy roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners along with buns from Andre's bakery, that fine establishment, and with a few locally grown vegetables. This meal usually takes us maybe fifteen minutes to eat, tops. However, with the addition of Family Time French Fries, we have more food on our plates which means we are probably going to add about five, maybe ten minutes more to our family meals. So you see more food on our plates in the form of Family Time French Fries, equals more family time. I think we can all agree that that Hal Leisure is a genius."

"Well, Dad, what if we didn't want more family time? Could we skip the Family Time French Fries so we could leave the table sooner?"

"Oh daughter, you are a funny one. Don't make me have to ask you to lie again!"

"I wasn't—"

"Oh there's the phone! I wonder who that can be! Wink, wink eh son? We'll just your school tell the answering machine that silly story about you and the principal's desk."

"That right Dad!"

"Honey, can you pass me the floss? These wieners sure are meaty!"

"Oh, honey...couldn't you wait until after dinner to floss...and not at the table..."

"Ha! Never! Family, here's to Tuesday Wiener Night, now even longer with the addition of Family Time French Fries."

Well, now there you have it; the view of Hal's Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and his Family Time French Fries from one happy, happy family. Now I know you're anxious to find out about that commercial shoot, so let's go find Hal Leisure, playing about in Chapter Five.

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