Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Nano 2012: Top Dog, Chapter Eleven

Hello once again Blog Fans

I am back and that's all you're going to get for me for this intro because as promised, it's time for Chapter Eleven!

Enjoy, or be confused or shake your head at how ridiculous this whole story is...



Chapter Eleven

"Surefyre what? I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch who you are or who you represent. Also, you said a couple words in the closing sentence of Chapter Ten that I didn't understand. Were you saying actual words or just clearing your throat?"

"Oh ho! You're a smart one Hal Leisure, but don't play dumb with me! You know exactly who I am!"

"See...there's where you're wrong. I really don't know who you are. I suppose on some level I would like to. You seem like a man who has confidence in spades and would be a worthy adversary in any realm but, nope. Gosh, darn. I just can't place you."

"You are joking right? You are only pretending to not know who I am, because everyone knows who I am. You're just trying to play the big man in Blue Sky by pretending that you don't know who I am!"

"Gee, I really wish that I could say that this is all an act, but I'm sorry it's not. I'm not a leg pulling kind of guy. Sincere is my middle name. Really, except it's 'Ddiffuant' which is sincere in Welsh. And speaking of different languages, can we get back to the two words you threw into your entrance at the end of Chapter Ten? Or maybe you don't really know and you were just trying to wow the crowd with your linguistics as well as your acrobatics? I couldn't help but notice that in spite of the tightness of your fairly fine red suit, you are quite a limber man."

"Stop distracting with your rambling nature Hal! I was—the words were goodbye and hello in Dutch! Any fool would know that!"

"Well, then I guess I'm not a fool because I didn't know what you were trying to say."

"Really? I thought that the placement of the words in the sentence would sort of lend a hand to the meaning, even if you didn't know the words."

"Did you? How so?"

"Well, I said a commonly used business advertising phrase, but instead of saying goodbye and hello in boring old English, I spiced it up with a little Dutch! Because that is what I do! That is how I roll! I like things that are hot! Things that are spicy! Hal Leisure, even though you claim to not know, let me introduce myself: I am Sherman Fyre! Owner, operator and mad genius of Surefyre Wieners!"

"You're Sherman Fyre? Really? Isn't that funny. I only heard tell of you last week when my Meaty Members talked of your success in the wiener business while we were discussing my recent and accidental trip to a Dentist trade show. Really, it was only last week and here you are! I've got to ask, Mr. Fyre, why are you here in Blue Sky?"

"Hal Leisure, you are man who could make a deaf man weep with your words! How dare you say that you only heard of me last week! For fifteen years you and I have been arch foes, heavy competitors in the wiener business! How could you not know that ever since you opened Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners here in Blue Sky that our wieners have been fighting for the number one wieners in this superb country! In some towns, Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners are number one while in other towns, Surefyre Wieners reign supreme! But in Blue Sky, in this lovely town, I have never been able to reach number one. You and your Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and your free packs of floss, your company has cornered the wiener market in this sleepy town. But no more! Blue Sky, I'm here to remind you that when it comes to wieners you have a choice! You can either have Meaty Teeth or Fyre Breath! Hal Leisure, if what you say is true, if you really didn't know who I was or that our wiener companies are competitors, then this, good sir, is your 'in your face, hit you over the head, kick you square in the lower bits hidden in that sky blue leisure suit wakeup call'! People of Blue Sky, Surefyre Wieners is setting up shop in Blue Sky! That's right Hal Leisure! Now the people of this town will have two choices when it comes to how they want to fill their buns! They can support Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners that are so full of ah...meat that they have to waste away precious minutes of their lives after every Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener meal to get rid of the ah...meat stuck between their teeth or they can buy Surefyre Wieners that don't leave excess and wasteful ah...meat in their teeth but instead fill their mouths with spicy goodness and leave them with the breath of a fiery dragon! People of Blue Sky, what do you say?

"That was a fine speech Mr. Fyre. Well played and quite eloquent even though you didn't try to wow us with more Dutch, but I think I speak for everyone in Blue Sky when I say that the town of Blue Sky is very loyal to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and most people in Blue Sky who buy wieners buy Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners because the ah...meat in the wieners is of a very high quality and they like flossing! Our healthy smile rating is just proof of that! No, Mr. Fyre, Blue Sky is not going to simply roll over and buy your wieners just because you show up on a fancy and large and excessively loud float and prance around all limber like in your fine red suit and speak foreign in a foreign language to try to impress the crowd float, not when you show up in the middle of our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade and picnic and/or barbeque! No they won't stand for it! Blue Sky doesn't appreciate competition or interruptions!

"I'm sorry Hal Leisure, but I couldn't hear you over the sound of the crowd cheering for Surefyre Wieners! Could you repeat that?"

" Not all of it. I said a lot and I'll drive people away if I try to repeat all of it. Basically, to boil down my point, what I said was that the people of Blue Sky are loyal to Meaty Teeth Leisure Wieners!"

"That's sort of what you said Hal, but what I think you said was something about simply rolling over because I show up on a fancy float in the middle of your Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener picnic and or/ barbecue. And you know what Hal, this crowd may be cheering for me now, but in the long run, you may be right. I may have underestimated this Blue Sky Crowd. Surefyre wieners have been available in Blue Sky grocery stores for longer than Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, but they never have sold as well in Blue Sky because of the loyalty Blue Sky shows to your company.

However, Blue Sky, I'm here to let you all know that tomorrow I'm opening the doors of the brand-new Surefyre Wiener office right here in Blue Sky. I'm shortening the competition distance between our wiener companies Hal Leisure! I'm bringing my competition right to your door step. Surefyre Wieners won't just be another wiener product in Blue Sky grocery stores. No, no! They will now be another fine and local Blue Sky product that the people of Blue Sky will want to support because the people of Blue Sky are very loyal to their local businesses! "

"Again I think you are wrong Mr. Fyre. I think you're in for a bucket of disappointment."

"Well I don't think I am! Why don't we ask this fine Blue Sky crowd if they are ready to support a brand-new wiener company in Blue Sky? Blue sky folks are you ready to support a different kind of wieners? Are you ready for Surefyre Wieners?"

"Well, well, well... By the sound of the screaming coming from this Blue Sky crowd, I'm thinking they are ready to start branching out when it comes to buying wieners for their families. Oh what's that Hal Leisure? Have you got nothing to say? That's fine because I got one more question for this group of fine half-drunk Blue Sky residents; Blue Sky residents are you ready to rock? Take it away boys!"

We love surefire wieners

(wieners, wieners, wieners)

Sherman Fyre here on the scene

To give you a show like you've never seen

To bring pandemonium on to every store

That wants to see wieners with a little more

You'll want to buy what I have to sell

Yes, that's right I now you will

Cause every mouth here wants to feel

The taste of fire bought at such a good deal!

We love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, spicy wieners

We love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, red hot wieners

Feeling the heat all through your mouth

Giving you something to shout about

We love, we love, we love Surefyre Wieners

(Surefyre Wieners, Surefyre Wieners, Surefyre Wieners)

Strike a match start a barbeque fire

Spicy wieners is what you desire

Surefyre Dogs cookin over a flame

Ya, no other wieners taste quite the same

I was born with ketchup on my face

As a boy, I knew my place

Was creating dogs worthy of praise

And not a lazy dog to eat in the shade

We love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, spicy wieners

We love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, red hot wieners

Feeling the heat all through your mouth

Giving you something to shout about

We love, we love, we love Surefyre Wieners

(Surefyre Wieners, Surefyre Wieners, Surefyre Wieners)

Ya Blue Sky! Are you listening? These aren't wieners that you eat whenever you feel like it. These aren't wieners you eat at your leisure! No, these are wieners that mean business! They will rule you! They tell you when it's time to eat and the time is now! Don't settle for bland, tasteless, always getting stuck in your teeth wieners that make you a slave to dental hygiene! No, Blue Sky make the decision to say yes to wieners that will wake you, shake all the leisure out of your system and fill your body with the heat spicy goodness! Much like those other wieners, Surefyre Wieners will stick around for a while after, but not in your teeth! No, Surefyre Wieners stick your soul! Surefyre Wieners become a part of you. Surefyre Wieners give you energy to go out and do something crazy! What do those other, lazy wieners do? They don't fill the gaps between your teeth with their excess ah...meat and make you have spend time, no...let me correct myself... WASTE time in front a mirror. You could me smiling at the world instead of smiling at yourself! Let's face it, let's call a spaten a spaten! Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, sure they leave you with a healthy smile, but that smile, it is one that belongs to a lonely face. It is connected to a lonely heart. Serve up Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners at your next party, go to the bathroom to floss, then what happens? Everyone has left you to go floss...alone! Nobody flosses with you am I right? Flossing is a solitary activity! Or it should be. Nobody is impressed by what you pull out of your teeth with your free floss! Nobody needs to see what Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners leaves behind! What comes out of your teeth should be between you and your dentist. Leave the flossing to the professionals and find the power, the fuel for passion and the breath of life that comes with every pack of Surefyre Wieners!

Now, if for some reason my posture, my strut and the surefooted moves I'm serving up to you along with my red hot words have not convinced to trade in leisure for power, perhaps these two fine gentlemen can do the job. Please welcome to the stage, Adam Lambert and Snoop Dog!

OOOOOO cook your dogs on a wild fire with me!

Gonna take you on flavor ride like you'll never believe

Never gonna stop till we reach the top (dog)

Never gonna stop till we reach the top (dog)

Hal better get out of the game

His sales aren't never gonna be the same

Blue Sky's bringing Surefyre Wieners Home!

You'll love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya spicy wieners

You'll love Surefyre Wieners

Uh oh ya, red hot wieners

Bringing the heat to your leisure town

Sherman's givin you something to shout about

You'll love, you'll love, you'll love Surefyre Wieners!

Sing it with us Blue Sky!

We love Surefyre Wieners

Ya no more leisure wieners

We love Surefyre Wieners

Ya we'll buy Sherman's wieners

Lighting a fire in our mouths

Sherman's givin you something to howl about

We love, we love, we love Surefyre Wieners!

Gonna take you on a flavor ride like you'll never believe

Gonna take you on a flavor ride like you'll never believe

Thank- you Blue Sky for your time! I've been Sherman Fyre and you've been a beautiful audience! Next time you're out shopping for wieners think about wieners they can change your life. No don't think about that. Buy them! Bypass the other wieners by surefire wieners! I bid you all a good night!"

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