Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Nano 2012: Top Dog, Chapter Ten

Hello, hello Blog Fans

It's an exciting day in the world of writing and blogging and what not. Well, it is for me anyway. Today, I reached 50K in my Nano 2012 novel! Yea! However, this does not mean that Top Dog is! no! We've a long way to go before that happens. I'd say I have at least 10K to go before the epic conclusion followed by whole whack of editing.

And so, in order to ensure that I fully complete this Nano project, I am going to have "Wiener Wednesdays!" on this blog. Every Wednesday until Top Dog completed to my satisfaction, I will post an edited chapter. This could go on for many weeks. I can feel your excitement. It's intoxicating.

Today, as a special treat, I'm posting Chapter Ten and Chapter Eleven. I'll post them separately as to not overwhelm you.

And if I get my butt in gear, later this evening, there could be a bonus feature for Chapter Eleven. Oh yes, the second promised video as part of the soundtrack of my Nano 2012 Story.

So, before I drift off into a tangent...which, if you know me, is entirely possible, I'll post Chapter Ten, quickly followed by Chapter Eleven!

Happy Reading!



Chapter Ten

Ok...Ok...we've enjoyed our drinks and against my better judgment, I've led you back to the book. Look, here we are at Chapter Ten. Isn't that nice? There's nothing to be scared of. I'm pretty sure that this chapter, featuring a whole lot of Hal Leisure waxing about the wonder that is his wieners, is worth reading. I'll just be out of sight, hovering in the margins, ready to come back into the story when you need me.

No, no... Don't follow me. See, come on , look over there; Hal is still on stage. He waited for you to come back to the story. Now wasn't that good of him? To wait until you'd returned to start his speech? Obviously he didn't want you to miss one bit of it. Now, you enjoy this. I'll be back soon...or in a while. How long I'm gone will really depend on how long it takes Hal to get us to the next major plot point.

"Hello everyone and welcome, welcome to the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade. Yes, please, clap and cheer all you want for it is grand day and a big event in Blue Sky. Or not...ok, you're all busy with both hands...However, since technically the parade is all done I suppose I should say picnic and/ or barbeque with a side of hot music! I imagine that not one of you here can say that we have not had an excellent representation by all bands on how the love of wieners can affect your soul!

But, back to the floats! As always, we watched the floats travel down Main Street and as part of the grand tradition of the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade we destroyed the floats as soon as they arrived here at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. But as you can see, my Meaty Members have cleared those skeletal eye sores so that we can have space to eat, drink, be merry and listen to the songs being offered up by a few very talented local bands. And the best part about taking from the floats, the wares offered by the people who run businesses in Blue Sky, is that unlike when one of you rascals out there shop lifts, nobody is angry. They wanted us to destroy their floats! That's all part of the frivolity at the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener parade; to watch the floats, destroy the floats and then enjoy the picnic and /or barbeque food or beverage items that we pillaged from the floats at the picnic and /or barbeque. It's a marvelous tradition that I came up with and all a part this fantastic day.

However, before we all wreaked havoc on those floats, they sure looked lovely didn't they? Please, if you would, give all the business owners who put a float in this year's Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade a hand! Come on Blue Sky folk, you can clap louder than that can't you? Okay, maybe not. I see that most of you have at least one hand holding something that you ripped off one of the floats and so it's a bit hard to clap loudly when you're say, holding one of Andre's buns that you will use as a vessel sooner or later for a delicious Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener. And I see a lot of you are enjoying our new Family Time French Fries as well as a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener and that's fantastic. It really warms my heart that you've taken to these French fries, our newest product from Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners.

Now, as many of you can see I am holding a guitar and yes, I am going to perform my very own tribute to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners for you very soon. Not that I expect my song to go over as well as all those other wonderful songs that we have heard here today. Were they not brilliant? Did you ever think that you would hear so many great songs about wieners in one sitting? Do I hear any applause? No? Okay, again I see that your hands are still full with many of the delicious products from the floats that represent many of the businesses in our wonderful town of Blue Sky. However, when you're ready if you could just start clapping, it would be much appreciated. The bands and their songs deserve the applause as do the business owners and their floats. Remember, you destroyed them —the floats, not the businesses ( I assume) and a little action with two hands is the least you can do to say thank-you to them for the hard work they put in to making these floats and for the fine services they provide your town of Blue Sky all year.

Ok, I hear some applause, finally! Driving home a point with a little repetition gets everyone on board for the guilt trip! Thanks, Blue Sky; the bands and the businesses have heard your applause and I can feel not just appreciation, but the love.

Anyway, to get back to my point, as I was saying I to have my own song to contribute to this wonderful celebratory and very musical afternoon but first, I wanted to let everyone in on some really beautiful and attention worthy news. I would like to let you know that thanks to you, the people of Blue Sky, and thanks to all of the people across our superb country who have taken the time to buy and enjoy our brand new product Family Time French Fries—Oh wow...I promised myself that I was going to try to keep it together, but...I don't think it's going to be possible. I'm sorry, you're going to have to excuse me; this announcement is making me rather emotional because I'm just so proud! See? See these tears shining in my honest eyes, but not turning my ever present smile into a frown? These are tears of joy! Pure, radiant, glorious and super bright joy! People of Blue Sky, even though Family Time French Fries have only been available for retail purchase in grocery stores in Blue Sky and grocery stores across our superb country for just under three weeks, Family Time French Fries are the number one selling French fry in Blue Sky and all across this superb country! Number One! Isn't that wonderful news? Doesn't your heart just want to leap out of your chest and do a Blue Sky pride dance? Come on now people please get on board with the happy. I'm not going to stand here and listen to you not clap. Just tuck your beer between your knees you shove that hotdog in your mouth and bring both your hands to chest level and clap those beautiful hands. No, no! Don't you try to clap with one hand or use your free hand to beat your husband on the back in order to try to make a noise that sort of sounds like clapping! Number one French Fries in all of this superb country Blue Sky! This is big news, great news and I want to hear those two bare hands clapping. Finally! I mean, excellent! Lovely to see most of you, well half of you… Okay let's rounded up to a quarter of you have listened to my begging cries for approval and clapped your hands for a little while. Yes, a few more of you have joined in and I can hear you. I can hear your applause for being Number One and it's beautiful! It's beautiful music to my ears.

And now, don't put your clapping hands away. I have one more announcement to make before we get back to the music. I would just like to let you all know that thanks to the popularity of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners in Blue Sky, most of you have great teeth. It is wonderful that so many of you who buy Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners with their free pack of floss actually use the floss provided. So, I am happy to say that not only are Family Time French Fries the number one selling French fry in Blue Sky and across our superb country but, I have also been told by the great people who make up my Meaty Members that we have one of the highest ratings of healthy smiles in our superb country! That's right people! Because you floss regularly, thanks to all the ah...meat in Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, our dentists live a life of leisure! They have more time to play golf whatever ever else dentists do in their spare time, because they spend less time cleaning our teeth. I think that is a win, win situation and it is definitely news worthy and so if you could clap again like I asked you to —okay I see that you are not willing clap again at this time. For whatever reason, you're not really going to make the effort to clap and that's okay. I can only assume your hands tired from clapping at along with all those wiener songs or clapping after the wiener songs. Basically, it would appear that, Blue Sky, you are all clapped out right now, but I really hope to see you all get a case of clap again after I finish my song.

Yes well, that is enough of my rambling, well my speech rambling anyway, and now I'd like to share with you song I wrote about Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and Family Time French Fries."

Meaty Members are you ready? Stu, do you have your dulcimer in tune? Super! Let's entertain!

Have you ever had a dream

That only you believed would come true?

Have you ever had an idea so crazy

That more than once

You've had people in white coats

Chase you down and try to drag you away

While they threatened to put you in a padded room

With guards posted outside your door twenty-four hours a day

Simply because you dared to dream so crazy?

I'm going to interrupt my song, Blue Sky, but don't worry; this is a musical interruption. My Meaty Members will continue to play their instruments in a gentle, soft, whimsical manner while I talk. Before I continue on with my song, I wanted to say that I wish that the first verse of my song was not truth. I wish that I had been singing metaphorically, but I can't and I didn't because the first verse is a true representation of what happened to me!

Not long after I moved to Blue Sky, I went to a town meeting and sprung on the unsuspecting crowd my idea of starting a wiener company in Blue Sky. People at the meeting were so shocked by my Avant guard idea that they scoffed at me; most loudly if I recall. I was actually quite taken aback, but I didn't let that scoff thwart me. No, I took a deep breath and continued anyway! When I let lose my plan to make wieners so meaty the people of Blue Sky would need to floss after every Meaty Wiener meal, the people at that meeting got really was a silence that was almost worse than the scoff noise because it was not the sound of quiet awe, but of loud and yet quiet suspicion. It was actually quite tense for a few seconds, but again...I just let it slide and continued to lay my plan at their feet! I jumped up onto my chair and said that because I loved Blue Sky and it's people so much and because I cared an incredible amount about dental care that, that I intended to give away a free pack of floss with every back of my Meaty Wieners! This proclamation almost raised the roof in a calamitation kind of way! I started to fear for my life! Yes, people were still quiet, but the silence was almost deadly. It was only when I revealed that this floss plan was to be exclusive only to the people of Blue Sky that the people at that town meeting began to get on board my wiener train and make a little noise. Yes, they liked the idea that the floss would exclusive. They would be special. It would be because Blue Sky would be in the same town as, and this is when I hit them with the name of my proposed company, Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners!

At first, the crowd was confused. They treated me with incredulity usually reserved for vicious dictators. However, they really couldn't stop my from opening the wiener factory because I'd already bought it and hired my staff and most people in Blue Sky just accepted my company and my plan. But, there were people who were not happy with my plan. People came at me from alleyways, from the sewers, from behind trees in my yard, people all wearing white coats and masks and yelling that my crazy idea of the wiener and floss combination would never work in Blue Sky because nobody anywhere cares about flossing. 'Nobody cares about flossing!' is what these white coated strangers hollered at me from alleyways, from sewers and from behind trees in my yard. 'Just sell regular wieners and leave the flossing to the professionals!' was their cry. But did this stop this man? No!

This man knew his mission true

It was as clear as a bright blue sky

And although the town didn't want or understand the floss at first

They all changed their minds as soon as they did try

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

They're chock right full of ah… Meaty goodness

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

The floss we provide makes you say ahh.... Thank goodness

There's so much ah... Meet

To get stuck in your teeth

The floss with our wieners

Why it spells relief yeah

Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners

The ah... Meatiest wieners around

That's right folks, Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners are the meatiest wieners around and you ate them up with gusto. You embraced the floss and many of you have woven Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners into the very fabric of your lives. I know there are families out there who don't celebrate a special occasion whether it is a birthday, a graduation, a parole hearing party, without Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. I know there are some families here in Blue Sky and I'm assuming elsewhere in this superb country that have a night of the week featuring Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners! And that just makes me sing...soon. I'll get back to my song soon. I've got one more things to say before I start crooning again so just continue to listen to my speech backed by my Meaty Members.

Now, I couldn't be happier about the success of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and again, I am very pleased that many of you have woven Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners into the very fabric of your lives. However, I have to say that some of you have done so a little too literally, if I'm to be honest. A few years back, I saw one man wearing a Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners leisure suit. He approached me in a manner that implied gusto and with a winning smile spread across his face he told me that he was trying to be like me. He said I stood for all that was creative and stylish and that I had all the charisma and seductive charm that every man should want. His sincerity was intense.

And his suit, while it was impressive, was slightly grotesque and odd. It wasn't just the fact that this man had made a leisure suit out of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, it was the fact that he had even gone as far as to paint the wieners that made up his suit a beautiful sky blue; the same sky blue in fact as my leisure suit that is not, just to be clear, made of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. No, it's made up of 100% of those durable and dangerously flammable girls, Polly and Ester! However, not as flammable as that man's Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener leisure suit turned out to be. As we stood there in the park, in the hot noon day summer sun, the man's leisure suit started to cook. One minute he was just a guy standing there in a slightly smoking, sky blue Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener leisure suit and the next minute he was a light and on fire much like Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener at a picnic and/ or barbeque! It was a frightening sight! I encouraged him to throw himself on the grass and to roll around to douse out the flames. Thank goodness he listened and threw himself to the ground with very little encouragement. If he had hesitated, I wouldn't have been unable to do little else for while Poly and Ester look good on me, they don't look good melting on me. A little too close to those flames and I would have turned into 'Hal Leisure: a man who is covered in a sky blue leisure suit' instead of 'Hal Leisure: proud owner and wearer of many sky blue leisure suits.

So, as I was saying, this man, threw his cooking form onto the grass with all due haste, extinguishing the flames in a successful manner. However, the smell of his cooked Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener leisure suit caught the attention of a crowd of hungry picnickers and a pack of wild dogs. The man, scorched and probably in a bit of pain, was forced to run away from the hungry picnickers and the pack wild dogs. They, the humans and canines, chased this poor burned man around the park in a way that was, I'm almost ashamed to say, comical. Once they caught up with him, they knocked him to the ground and pulled, or tore or chewed the roasted Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners leisure suit from his body. The man quickly went from an odd chap in a sky blue Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners leisure suit to a strange Blue Sky resident clad only in his birthday suit. It was a memorable day and may I say, what a day to be alive.

Before I arrived in Blue Sky

I was a stranger to you all

Now, none of you knew me, Hal Leisure

It seems out of clear blue sky I did fall

Now some of you think my past is shady

You wanted to find out my past, you did try!

Yes...I've heard the rumors people! Don't you think I haven't! However, if my past was really super shady, do you really think I could have married your local beauty queen? Well, of course, I have a sneaking suspicion that she may have married me because I am disgustingly rich, but that's just me being negative. Let me see a show of hands from those of you who can't believe that I'm still married to my absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife? Wow...all of you? That's interesting and a little unnerving...

Yes, some of you think I'm hiding a deep, dark past

And you want to know where I'm from and why?

Why did I come to Blue Sky?

To tell you the truth Blue Sky, I don't know why I've kept the truth from you for so long. It's not a horrible, tragic secret that drove me from my home town to your loving Blue Sky arms. It's just, well... Oh heck! Now seems like as good as time as any! I'm going to go for it and tell all you good people of Blue Sky the truth about my past. Here I go! Before I moved to your beautiful town of Blue Sky, I, Hal Leisure lived in another town in the superb country and that town was—

We love surefire wieners!

We love surefire wieners!

We love surefire wieners!

What is that noise? Who is interrupting my heartfelt song...ok; not the song, but one of my talking bits that I feel help accentuate the song? And it's not just interrupting my performance, it's right while I am about to reveal to you, the Wonderful people in Blue Sky, exactly who Hal Leisure is and where I came from

We love surefire wieners!

We love surefire wieners!

We love surefire wieners!

Good people, what is that I see and hear coming down Main Street? Is that another float? Perhaps a late to our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade? Well, whatever it is, it sounds very musical to me. Meaty Members, were we supposed to have a float from Blue Sky's local music store "Take a Note?" I don't think we were? I am pretty sure that at last week's meeting about the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener Parade we agreed that if the local Blue Sky business didn't have a product that the people of Blue Sky could pilfer from the float and then throw on a barbecue or just eat as is then unfortunately the businesses would not allowed to be part of the Annual Meaty Teeth Leisure Wieners Parade.

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

My stars they are loud and not stopping! Yes, Meaty Members I know our decision was a tough call and maybe the music store "Take a Note" didn't fully understand the rules, but I had to draw the line somewhere. Yes, I know you can enjoy music at a picnic and /or barbeque, but people are just so darn excited and brimming with anticipation for float carnage that by the time all the floats arrive here at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners the usually tame people of Blue Sky are ready to tear almost anything apart and throw whatever item they have clenched in their hands on a barbecue! If we allowed a float from a music store into the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade I would honestly worry that the people of Blue Sky would tear off instruments or sheet music or the staff or whatever they music store had decided to decorate their float with and throw those items or people on a barbeque. Sheet music, you have to agree, is extremely flammable and we would quickly have a sheet music bonfire on our hands. No, having floats in our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade that do not offer products we can eat or drink would be adding too great an element of risk to the festivities. It would be inviting chaos to our family friendly, well family friendly-ish picnic and/or barbeque. Let's be honest, eventually most of the good folk in Blue Sky get sauced beyond all reason at this event and some years their behavior has gotten within a few degrees of debaucherous and—

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

They're still coming this way! Oh, here they are; they've just passed through the gates of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. What are they saying exactly? Excuse me! Excuse me musical float! While I, Hal Leisure and all of us here appreciate that you are all very musical and on some level entertaining, your float is not one that is a food or beverage themed float and you are breaking all the rules of this Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade. I'm sorry, but you just can't be here. Now, now...calm down everyone. It is not that Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners does not appreciate businesses in Blue Sky that don't sell things that you don't normally enjoy at a picnic. I am not contradicting myself. I already explained why having a float form a music store would be bad news for our picnic and /or barbeque. Yes, I know this picnic and /or barbecue is not just about food and drink, or just drink for some of you, but you also feel that it is about music because we have bands to entertain you, but that's different. The bands didn't arrive on a float. Look, good people of Blue Sky, who are paying more attention to the newly arrived float than you are to me, if we allowed the music store 'Take a Note" to have a float in the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade, we may as well allow the Blue Sky furniture store or the paint store or even the pet store to have a float in the parade but that wouldn't be right. There would end up being too many floats in the Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade and as far as I'm concerned too many floats equals and too much confusion. I think it would be especially confusing, not to mention grizzly if the pet store participated in our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners Parade because they would probably cover the float with lizards and other sorts of creatures that some of you people care for, but make my skin crawl, and then all the dogs on the float would jump off and eat all the food from the other floats and it would just be madness! So, in order to keep the precedence, I'm sorry but I think you and your musical float are going to have to leave—

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

Please everyone, just stay calm... Please, could I have your attention turned back on me please? Back to me? Back to me? I still haven't finished my song. Doesn't anybody care about my song? I've been working on it for quite some time and I was about to let you in my secret past and—yes I know it's a loud float, a very loud and musical float, but that doesn't mean that you all need to stop paying attention to my song and pay attention to this—ok, ok—apparently it does mean that. Well...I guess I'll finish singing it after they leave! But folks! Blue Sky folks! This, float...I don't recognize anyone on it! Do any of you recognize anyone one on it? I don't think it actually represents a Blue Sky business! No, it certainly does not! It's too loud and garish to be a Blue Sky float— Ok, it's fully arrived and is flaunting about! It is – well, that is just perfect, I don't really mean perfect. I'm slipping into sarcasm which is definitely a prelude to my smile slipping into a frown! Isn't that a horrible thought? Don't any of you – oh that is just lovely. This new and hideously large and excessively loud float is parking right in the middle of the picnic and or/barbeque area! Well that is just rude! Excuse me, new and hideously large and excessively loud float, where are the people of Blue Sky supposed to sit to enjoy their picnic and /or barbeque products and properly listen and pay attention to the music on this stage! Blue Sky, why have you all stopped paying attention to me! What is happening? What is this madness! I need answers! I hate to tell you this people but my smile is definitely slipping off my face. Surely none of you want to see Hal Leisure, good man, good citizen, provider to your town other towns in this superb county of the quality products Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener and Family Time French Fries, surely you don't want to see this face slide into a frown?

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

We love Surefyre Wieners!

For the love of all that is holy, what are you saying? What is that racket you are bellowing forth at volume of at least 11? We love Surefyre what? Ok, I'm putting my foot down Blue Sky. I've had enough of this rude, insolent and uncouth interruption of our Annual Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners parade and picnic and /or barbeque! I'm going to put a stop to this pronto!

Excuse me, sir! Yes, you on the large and excessively loud float that has parked at my company Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners without a permit! Could you please stop your screeching? You seem to be whipping this crowd into some kind of frenzy bordering on turmoil! By turning their backs on me and effectively ignoring me, they have also turned their backs on the talented local bands that we have brought here today to be part of our festivities. You and your gigantic and ridiculous float have brought disorder to our picnic and/or barbeque and the people of Blue Sky have turned their backs on us in shockingly seem to be favoring you and your hollering! I said listen to me screaming stranger in the fairly fine red suit but without an abundantly lush mustache...oh's the investor! I can't believe it! It's you! You're here! The mysterious and then suddenly disappearing investor!"

"Wrong Hal Leisure! Well, you are not entirely wrong! You are wrong in that I'm not the investor, but was merely posing as one to gather information, but you are right in that I am mysterious and with my many qualities, both known and unknown to you, I am going to make all your business disappear! It is I, Sherman Fyre and I'm here to rock the bedrock of Blue Sky! I'm here to shake the clouds from the blue sky of Blue Sky! I'm here to change the way that you, the people of Blue Sky, think about wieners! Move over Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners! There's a new wiener company in town and we don't play well with others!

Blue Sky, say afscheid to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners and begroeting to Surefyre Wieners!"

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