Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Nano 2012: Top Dog, Chapter Seven

Hello Blog Fans

...if you're still around and the silliness that is this tale has not driven you to madness...

If you're still here and following along, get ready for Chapter Seven! It's different than many of my other chapters in that it's a lot shorter!

First off though, before the posting begins, I'd just like to give you a sentence to think about...

"Sorcha are you in a side door left in the player hating on their paperwork without light project looking at"

 What is this sentence? What does it mean? How could such string of words come together at all? I'll tell you how: Dragon Naturally Speaking.

For those of you who aren't familiar with this, it's a voice recognition program. Earlier in the year I acquired the program in order to help my boss transcribe his thesis notes. Instead of typing for hours and hours, I could listen to the recordings and, using Dragon, vocally transcribe his research. It's a fantastic program, especially when you are writer with chronic wrist tendonitis like I am. However, the program is not without it's quirks. If you don't speak perfectly clearly, if you don't speak directly into the microphone or if you speak words too quickly, too softly or say unfamiliar phrases, you often get hilarious results.

The bizarre sentence above, that came to life on my page while I was "writing" part of my Nano quota the other day, is an example. It has nothing at all to do with my story; I was talking to my daughter with the program and headset on. This is what I actually said:

"Sorcha, are you standing outside the door and listening to what I'm saying while I'm trying to write?"

Ha! The hilarity! So, one of the reason's I edit a little before I post is because there are times where I find, throughout my manuscript, things that make no sense and if I just posted a chapter as is...well, you think my story is weird now? If I didn't edit, it would sound like an alien language...or what aliens think they heard while trying to learn about earth and this is what they wrote down about our culture to pass onto their overlords. 

And if you are following along, you will know that the lead character is Hal Leisure and he is the owner and operator of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners. I say these combo of words a lot and both of these, the name of the person and the name of the company, don't always come out right. Hal Leisure more often than not comes out "house leisure" or "how leisure". And I get all sorts of varieties regarding the name of his company. I can't remember all the mistakes, but one of them one was "meeting key seizure wieners". I thought that was a good one. And Dragon never, if it understands "teeth", never apostrophizes it...ever....

Ok,  on that note, let me get on with it! For your reading pleasure, Chapter Seven!

Thanks for following along,


Chapter Seven

Now wasn't that a dramatic end to Chapter Six? Yes, I thought it was. I decided to end it there and shift the narrative to a different character for a few minutes. Plus I don't know about you, but I need a break from that slightly odd group of sycophantic Meaty Members and need a bit of time to absorb all that information that they were feeding to Hal Leisure. I don't mean to downplay the importance of their news or imply that I don't care. Again, my opinion about the goings on in this tale doesn't really matter in the end. What is important to remember is that for a great many people, and by saying great many I am at the same time implying that there are some who don't find happiness in Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wiener good news, in Blue Sky, any good news regarding Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners is very welcome news.

But for one man, any news, especially good news, about Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners is as welcome as pants full of chili. This man is not even a resident of Blue Sky and he never has any intention of being a resident of Blue Sky. It is the company, Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, of Blue Sky, that concerns him. Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners has been a thorn in his side for many a year, and so, when he was approached by a group of shadowy individuals who were residents of Blue Sky a few weeks back, shadowy figures wearing masks and expressed down right hatred for Hal Leisure and for his company Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, shadowy figures who's hate for Hal Leisure was even stronger than his own, he was more than pleased to join their fight against Hal Leisure and Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners.

"He needs to be stopped, by any means necessary!", "He's taking away our livelihoods!", "Who even knows what he puts in those god forsaken wieners!" These were the cries for help hurled at him by these shadowy figures. Or at least he thinks that what they were saying. As I said, they had masks and stayed a fair distance away in the shadows so that he couldn't make out exactly who they were. However, what was clear to this man was that they wanted to go to war; they wanted to go to war with Hal Leisure and all those associated with Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, but they lacked one thing. They lacked a leader.

"Why me, shadowy figures? Why do you ask me, this not so humble man before you, to lead your group into battle? I admit that my hate and loathing for all things Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners is only matched by your palatable distain for said company, but that doesn't explain why you want to choose me to lead your band of rebels and to not to pick a leader from your own group. Why couldn't one of your own lead your shadowy and masked posse into a fight with a man such as Hal Leisure? This is not a man to be feared. This is not a man who is sure footed, strong willed and has a penchant for overreaction! This is a man who, will not, unless practically forced to, change his expression from one of joyful lunacy, or happy idiocy. This is a man who believes that to frown is to bring about great pain to his physical being. This is a man who hates confrontation! This is a man who makes wiener treats for his staff instead of sleeping beside his absurdly beautiful Blue Sky wife! This is a man who wears sky blue leisure suits! This is a man who, if you challenged him, with or without me, could be crushed as easily as a garden gnome wandering into the path of a ride on mower. This is a man who nobody to very few people in Blue Sky knows anything about. This is man who more than likely has a past he wants to hide. In short, shadowy figures, Hal Leisure is a man who was made to be defeated."

The man, went on like this for a quite some time, and in the end, it only convinced the shadowy figures in their masks of what they already knew: This man was the man they were looking for, the leader they needed to cement and then help to carry out their plans to bring down Hal Leisure and Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners forever. This man, after ranting for what was probably at least an hour about what kind of man Hal Leisure was, convinced himself that he was the man to lead this group of shadowy figures against Hal Leisure and the entire team at Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners.

"Yes, shadowy figures, you are right. I can help you, I can lead you. I am the man for the job. Tell me what your intentions are, exactly how you see this plan unfold, this battle emerge and I will fit myself into your plans accordingly."

The shadow figures then came forth. They removed their masks and explained to this man exactly who they were, what wrongs Hal Leisure of Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners had done to all of them and what they had in terms of plans. It turns out that they had very little in terms of plans, but that was of little matter to this man. It was a that moment that this man realized that all along he had plans for Hal Leisure and how to remove him as a thorn in his side, all he'd needed to find those plans was a group of shadowy figures who also hated Hal Leisure and wanted to go into battle with Hal Leisure. He, this man, would be their leader.

The harmonies of their mutual hate and need for each other was quite beautiful. I won't say what this man has in store for Hal Leisure and Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners as that would spoil everything for you, but instead we will end the chapter like this...

"Good leader, now that we have laid out our, if not battle plans to you, then at least our hate and want and need for revenge against Hal Leisure and Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners, what is our first plan of action? What would you have us to do first?"

"I would have you do nothing."

"Nothing, good leader?"

"That's right, once shadowy figures, right now, lay low, keep quiet and do nothing. It is I who will make the first move."

"You, good leader? That is most excellent. But what, what will you do? What will your first move be?"

As the man picked a stray piece of thread from his fairly fine red suit, he stood up and surveyed his group of unmasked, no longer shadowy figures. "I believe I will go to Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners tomorrow. I believe it is time I paid Hal Leisure a visit."

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