Sunday, November 4, 2012

Nano 2012: Let's do this!

Hello Blog Fans

It's been quite a while I know. And don't ask me why I've been neglecting you. My excuses would sound forced or lame. I've been busy and things like my blog get pushed aside from time to time.

However, I'm back and I hope with some entertaining blog postings. I'm a Nano fan and 2012 is my third crack at the novel frenzy fun. I was successful in 2010, my hands gave out half way through Nano 2012, but this year, I'm given 'er another try and we'll see how it goes.

This novel, which is called Top Dog: Wiener Takes All, was an idea my daughter and I have been joking about for almost two years. I must warn you, should you feel compelled to read the out croppings my brain churns out, that this tale is extremely silly...EXTREMELY silly. It's full of nonsense, weird bits and humor which only I may get. However, it's fun and really with Nano, that's really the main goal isn't it? To have fun?

So, without further ramblings...welcome to the first bits of my 2012 Nano Novel.

This post contains the Synopsis, the prologue and Chapter One.



When Sure Fire Wieners sets up its big business in the small coastal town of Blue Sky, their popular food products threaten to shut down the thriving company,  Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners.

Not willing to go down without a dog fight, Hal Leisure and his Meaty Teeth Crew decide to do whatever they can to keep their company up and running.

People may get burned and buns may get thrown, but in Blue Sky it's Wiener takes all.

Don't miss the most exciting new book about picnic fare to come out since...well...since that last book about picnic fare came out!

Don't miss Top Dog!



"It's late, Mr. Leisure, do I have to ask again?"

"Yes...I don't know what to say, I don't remember what you asked."

"I asked you if you could explain your actions. Explain to me, if you can, why you did those terrible things down in the city square today!"

"I...don't know...I don't remember...?"

"You don't remember? Again, that's—that's a lie Mr. Leisure, if that is your real name, and you know it's a lie! I know it, the town's folk know it, and hell my cat knows it! You're hiding something and I'm not going to let you get away with it. I'll find the truth if it takes all night. We're not going anywhere until you explain your actions to me."


"Ok? Ok? That's excellent Mr. Leisure. That's excellent. Ok. Ok what exactly?"

"Ok, I remember doing...what I did."

"So, you remember? You remember the carnage you and your cronies caused this afternoon?"

"Yes, sir...I do."

"Well, that's good to hear. Now that I've got you to admit that you remember, why don't we move onto the why?"


"Yes, Mr. Leisure, why?"

"Why...why, it's because..."

"Yes, Mr. Leisure? Because?"

"...because all I have ever wanted to make...wieners."

Chapter One

Once upon a time, in the small town of Blue Sky there lived a man named Hal Leisure. Look here he comes now!

Good morning Hal! Oh wait. Of course he can't hear me because I'm the narrator of this fine tale.  I'm the one, the voice in your head who is going to lead you through all the character intros and plot points. My essence will guide you as your learn the who's, the what's and the why's of this story. Why do you need me? Well, this tale is a bit hard to swallow, but with my prose leading you through the dark and light times that you will be revealed to you as you walk your fingers over the pages, my "voice" will be able to give you a helping hand and aid you in your understanding about how a small, peaceful town like Blue Sky, could plunge into a fiery hell of torment and suffering all because two men.

Who are these fellows? These two men are, well let's be honest, enemies who couldn't work together. No, even though they have a similar vision, have comparable goals and similar products they cannot get along. 

These two men even have the same slightly bizarre penchant for tight fitting suits. These suits are flattering to some extend on one of these fellows, but they are not a sight to behold on the other...I honestly don't know why someone just doesn't have to courage to tell both of them that perhaps  change of attire may help both of their futures.

But I digress.

This is not a story about two men, these who are enemies, and their suits. No, this is a story about two men and their wieners. Oh now, don't you get thinking that I'm being rude. If you just took a sideways trip into the gutter, I want you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off not even look back into the filthy cesspool that you just willingly wandered into. This is a family tale and I will not allow you, the reader, to wander directly into rudeness just because I said "Wiener". You'll be hearing a lot about these men and their wieners and their love of wieners because both of these men that I speak of want nothing more than to share their wieners with the world.

I am of course talking about edible wieners. Now, now, get out of the gutter people; I'm not going to tell you again. If you wind up there again, even for a second, I'll know and don't you think I won't shut this book down on your hand. I will. I have that power.

Don't test me.

So, now...where was I. Oh yes...I am of course talking about, I'll put in another way to help you stay away from immature thoughts, hot dogs.

Now who doesn't love hot dogs? They are tasty right off the grill or out of the pot and they don't just speak of the goodness of a well baked bun, they speak of sunshine and bar-b-queues; birthday parties and family reunions; campfires and days spent at the beach. They are memories wrapped around a tube of...well...let's not speak of what exactly wieners are a tube of. It's best not to know. It may ruin every good memory that you have linked to wieners.

Well, this narrator better get back to narrating. Let's get back to Hal Leisure.

Hal Leisure is a happy man. I ask you to picture him now. He's about yay tall with that color of hair you love in a texture that makes you wish it was your own. His eyes are as bright as that star you wish on and his smile has all the homespun goodness of a prairie sunrise. I know I'm not being terribly descriptive about his appearance and that's on purpose. In order for this story to have some meaning for, because, let me straight with you people, deep meaning in a story about wieners may be a bit of an uphill battle so I need to help you add a few layers to your imagination. Picture now, someone you have met and maybe, if you're lucky, still know, someone that you looked up to, and someone your felt compelled to know and trust immediately.

This is Hal.

He's that someone. He's the type of person that you can hang your hat on and know that when you need that hat back, it will still be there for you. Hal's the kind of person who won't betray you, won't let you down. He's the one who walks the walk, talks to talk and lives life by shooting straight even around the tight corners. You know the kind of person I mean so picture that person now and there you have it; Hal.

Of course, if your "Hal" is more a "Halina" you many want to add a mustache. For the sake of this story, your "Hal" needs to on the manly side of the fence.

So, as I said, picture Hal. Right now he's coming out of his front door, kissing his absurdly attractive Blue Sky wife goodbye after which he tussles the hair of his twin sons. His teenage daughter sits on the front step dutifully ignoring him while he says good bye to her, but it's to be expected isn't that right Hal? Teenagers are so selfish or maybe your daughter just sees through you? Whoa. Did you hear that musical sting in your head that indicated a wee bit of foreshadowing? If not, do so now. Excellent, let's move on.

There he goes. He's had a look back at his wife and she closes the door with a final wave just as and Hal skips down his front step to his perfectly paved walk way. I wish you could see it. Well, perhaps if I described it in enough detail, you could see it as well as I do. However, at this point, it's not really important to the story and would just slow up the narrative, but it is such a nice path. Oh wait, we'd better move on. Hal has already passed through his freshly painted, white picket fence and is now about half a block down his beautifully treed street.

Hal is looking particularly fine today if I may toss out that compliment. Yes, this man is in a good mood. He's wearing his best and freshly pressed peacock blue leisure suit. No, no, the coincidence is not lost on me. Hal Leisure...leisure suits... Yes, Hal Leisure loves his leisure suits almost as much as he loves wieners. Actually, the town rumor has it that "Leisure" isn't his given name. There are folks that say that Hal loves leisure suits so much that he changed his name to tell the world how much he loves living the "Leisure" kind of lifestyle. 

What folks don't rightly know, if this rumor is true I mean, folks can't say what Hal's family name was before "Leisure". You see, Hal isn't from Blue Sky. His life before he took up residence in our fair town and married the absurdly good looking Blue Sky girl is as cloudy as rained out picnic. Some folks have tried to find out who Hal was before he came to town, but those folks who have dared to dig have wound up with fates they never expected. That may sound like a line that should be accompanied with ominous music, but it's not.

Why do I say that? Well, I know a thing or two about our Hal here, but right now isn't the time to tell you what I know, nor is it my place to do so. If the narrative of this tale should lead us to that point, I believe the truth will be set free.

However, for now, he's Hal Leisure; devoted husband, family man snappy dresser and owner operator of the finest wiener factory in town.

Well, at this point in the story, the only wiener company in town; the company known to all as "Meaty Teeth's Leisure Wieners."

What does that name mean you ask? Well, if I was to hazard a guess, I'd say that it's because they're so full of "meat" that every few months, Hal hands out coupons to his customers. You cannot eat one of Hal's wieners without getting meat—or whatever it is that they put in those tasty, tasty wieners— stuck between your teeth.

Yes, up until recent events, people loved Hal. They loved his wieners, served them up at almost every family occasion imaginable and for the record Blue Sky has the lowest rate of gingivitis in the nation.
Or at least they did, until the day, he came to town.

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